Escape Pod 140: Astromonkeys!

First appeared in Jim Baen’s Universe, June 2006.

Rated PG. Contains some profanity, some scatology, and a lot of silly superhero violence.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 35:48 — 24.6MB)

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Show Notes

Referenced Sites:
John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer
Mur Lafferty

Astromonkeys!

By Tony Frazier

“All right, so I’m chasing these things down the street, and there’s more showing up all the time, so now there’s like ten of them. I have no idea how I’m supposed to wrangle all these space monkeys, and right about then is when this dude comes swooping down out of the sky, wearing this blue costume with a big yellow star on his chest.”

“Another hero,” Jill says.

“Guy named Astro,” I say. “I’d run into him a few times before, back when GoDS 1.0 was still together. He would be fighting this monster – that was his thing, fighting these random space monsters – and we’d show up to help out. I thought he was okay, but the other guys didn’t like him much.”

“Why not?” Jill asks.

“Well, he was kind of a dork. No offense,” I say, turning to Dave. Dave waves it off.

Escape Pod 139: Acephalous Dreams

Rated R. Contains scenes of strong graphic violence and sexual assault.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 48:30 — 33.3MB)

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Acephalous Dreams

By Neal Asher

“AI Geronamid has need of a subject for a scientific trial. This trial may kill you, in which case it would be considered completion of sentence. Should you survive, all charges against you will be dropped.”

“And the nature of this trial?”

“Cephalic implantation of Csorian node.”

“Okay, I agree, though I have no idea what Csorian node is.”

The Golem stood and as she did so the door slid open. Daes glanced up at the security eye in the corner of the cell and stood also. He thought, briefly, about escape, but knew he stood no chance. His companion might look like a teenage girl but he knew she was strong enough to rip him in half.

“You didn’t tell me. What’s a Csorian node?”

“If we knew that with any certainty we would not be carrying out this trial,” replied the Golem.

Escape Pod 138: In the Late December

First appeared in Strange Horizons, December 2003.

Nebula Award Nominee!

Rated PG. Contains some dark Santa-related imagery, and the heat death of the universe.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 26:56 — 18.5MB)

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Show Notes

Closing Music: “Chiron Beta Prime” by Jonathan Coulton.

In the Late December

by Greg van Eekhout

They come to a cloud of silver mist, and there Santa finds a little boy made of molten silver with liquid silver eyes and sweeping silver delta wings. His wrists are ringed with missile launchers, and a rounded cone emerges from a cavity in his chest. Once there were many silver boys, fleets of them, protecting the outermost parts of inhabited space against things that came from outside inhabited space. But now, there is only the silver boy.

“You, sir,” the silver boy says, “are a tiresome consciousness cluster. Your binary value system remains as laughable as it is irrelevant. How you manage to remain cohesive is beyond me.”

“My value system is hardly binary,” Santa says. “In between naughty and nice I’ve made room for you: grumpy but fundamentally sound. Do you want a toy or not?”

Escape Pod 137: Citytalkers

Escape Pod 137: Citytalkers is an Escape Pod original.

Rated PG. Contains moderate violence and stronger weather.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 47:11 — 32.4MB)

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Show Notes

Referenced sites:
Heifer International
Podsafe Music Network (Terms of Use)

Closing Music: “O Come All Ye Faithful,” performed by Twisted Sister

Citytalkers

by Mur Lafferty

Gloria blinked. “Why do the people in Cleveland love Christmas more than anywhere else?”

Toby grinned and spread his hands on the bar, unadorned fingers splayed. He stared at them, “I didn’t say Cleveland’s people loved Christmas. I said Cleveland.”

“And you’re saying Charlotte doesn’t like Christmas?”

Toby took a deep breath and let it out. “Oh, no. I’m saying Charlotte flat out hates Christmas.”

Gloria kept her voice level, the best thing to do when dealing with a crazy person. “And why do you think this?”

“I’m an urban shaman. A citytalker. I’m here to talk to Charlotte to find out why it’s unhappy.”

Escape Pod 136: Bright Red Star

First appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction, March 2005.

Rated R. Contains war and strong violence and heavy moral themes.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 33:50 — 23.3MB)

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Show Notes

Referenced Sites:
Reading is Fundamental
Starship Sofa

Bright Red Star

by Bud Sparhawk

Survivors isn’t exactly the word. What they found were sixteen bodies without arms, legs, and most organs. What remained were essentially heads hooked up to life support and fueled by oxygenated glucose pumps. There were a couple hundred strands of glass fibre running from the ship’s walls into each skull, into each brain, into each soul. Four of the sixteen were still functioning–alive is not a word to describe their condition.

There was no hesitation on the part of Command. They ordered everyone, except combat types like us, from the most likely targets. Humanity couldn’t allow any more people to become components for the Shardie offense.

But civilians never listen. Farmers were the worse, hanging onto their little plots and crops until somebody dragged them away, kicking and screaming at the injustice of it all. That’s why we were here. Forty settlers had stupidly refused to be evacuated from New Mars. Forty we didn’t know about until we got that one brief burst.

My mission was to make certain that they didn’t become forty armless, legless, gutless, screamless weapon components.

Escape Pod 135: Stu

Appears in The Girl Who Loved Animals and Other Stories, from Golden Gryphon Press.

Rated G. Contains military bureaucracy, but nothing more disturbing.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 41:30 — 28.5MB)

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Stu

by Bruce McAllister

The first time I met Stu, I was just a kid and there weren’t any lights hovering over his house. The last time I saw him, when I was grown and we both knew what life could be if you let it, there were. That’s the best way to start, I guess.

That first time, our dad piled us into our old Chevy wagon–the kind you took to drive-in movies with sheets on the seats and your kids in pajamas–and drove us to the north county, saying only, “Stu is an inventor. He’ll never see any royalties from his inventions because the Navy owns them, but he’s an inventor, the kind that made America great.”

How had he first met Stu? How does anyone in the Navy get to know a wide-eyed, crazy-haired inventor who wasn’t at all “strack,” who shouldn’t have been anywhere near the military but somehow was? On a Secret Project, of course. My brother and I–who were 10 and 6 at the time–were sure of it. Our dad and Stu had to be working on a Secret Project together.

Escape Pod 134: Me and My Shadow

First appeared in Unauthorized Autobiographies and Other Curiosities, 1984.

Rated R. Contains violent crime, violent imagery, and themes of violence.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:00 — 25.4MB)

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Me and My Shadow

by Mike Resnick

Of course, even if we had met before, they couldn’t recognize me now. I know. I’ve spent almost three years trying to find out who I was before I got Erased — but along with what they did to my brain, they gave me a new face and wiped my fingerprints clean. I’m a brand new man: two years, eleven months, and seventeen days old. I am (fanfare and trumpets, please!) William Jordan. Not a real catchy name, I’ll admit, but it’s the only one I’ve got these days.

I had another name once. They told me not to worry about it, that all my memories had been expunged and that I couldn’t dredge up a single fact no matter how hard I tried, not even if I took a little Sodium-P from a hypnotist, and after a few weeks I had to agree with them–which didn’t mean that I stopped trying.

Erasures never stop trying.

EP London Meetup

I’ve already responded to the people who e-mailed to express an interest, but just to make it public: I’m in London, and we’ll be having an informal pub meetup on Sunday, November 25 at 1 PM at The George on 77 Borough High Street. Not sure yet if we’ll be inside or outside; I’ll be wearing a purple shirt, and if you don’t see me, just look for the crowd of people who look like science fiction fans. If you can make it, we look forward to seeing you there!

Escape Pod 133: Other People’s Money

First appeared in Forbes Magazine, October 2007.

Rated G. Contains Byzantine finance and potentially disturbing art.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 23:20 — 16.0MB)

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Other People’s Money

by Cory Doctorow

Which is why she was hoping that the venture capitalist would just leave her alone. He wasn’t a paying customer, he wasn’t a fellow artist — he wanted to *buy* her, and he was thirty years too late.

“You know, I pitched you guys in 1999. On Sand Hill Road. One of the founding partners. Kleiner, I think. The guy ate a salad all through my slide-deck. When I was done, he wiped his mouth, looked over my shoulder, and told me he didn’t think I’d scale. That was it. He didn’t even pick up my business card. When I looked back as I was going out the door, I saw his sweep it into the trash with the wrapper from his sandwich.”

The VC — young, with the waxy, sweaty look of someone who ate a lot of GM yogurt to try to patch his biochemistry — shook his head. “That wasn’t us. We’re a franchise — based here in LA. I just opened up the Inglewood branch. But I can see how that would have soured you on us. Did you ever get your VC?”