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Archive for 17 and Up

EP Flash: Night Off

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity and some disturbing imagery.

(Note: Mr. Lundberg has directed that his payment for this story be directed toward Heifer International, providing impoverished people with animals and other resources to become economically self-sustaining.)


Night Off

By Jason Erik Lundberg

The fat man coughed again and rolled over onto his side. He wheezed and his lungs rattled. A few thousand years of being overweight had caused innumerable cardiac and respiratory problems, but the job demanded it.

“Who can you think of to cover you?”

The fat man pondered for a moment, then said, “Lo ho ho?”

His wife frowned. “You know Loki would just cause a mess, and probably light some children on fire. Who else?”

Escape Pod 33: Santa In My Pocket

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, sexual situations, and criminal intent. Merry Christmas!

Referenced sites:
Agnostica
Geek Fu Action Grip
I Should Be Writing
Geek Acres


Santa In My Pocket

By Mur Lafferty

When I was a kid, I believed it all, like that old wive’s tale that animals would be granted the gift of speech for one hour on Christmas Eve. I tested that out by keeping my cat locked up in my room with me all night. She never spoke, but she did piss in the corner, since she couldn’t get to her litter box. So she still told me a magical Christmas message, loud and clear.

Genres:

Escape Pod 32: Alien Animal Encounters

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, explicit imagery, and hot alien action.

Referenced sites:
Whatever
Reading is Fundamental
Lies and Little Deaths
Child’s Play
Today in Alternate History


Alien Animal Encounters

By John Scalzi

Ted McPeak, Community College Student, Jersey City:

Some friends and me heard that if you smoked the skin of an aret, you could get monumentally wasted. So we bought one at a pet store and waited a couple of weeks until it shed its skin. Then we crumbled up the dry skin, put it in with some pot, and lit up. We all got these insane mouth blisters that didn’t go away for weeks. We all had to eat soup for a month. Though maybe it wasn’t the skin; the pot could have been bad or something.

Escape Pod 28: Your Corporate Network and the Forces of Darkness

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, dark magic, and other typical sysadmin behavior.

Referenced sites:
Plot Patents
Slashdot Commentary
Look What I Found In My Brain!
SFFAudio


Your Corporate Network and the Forces of Darkness

By Lucy A. Snyder

Axedame agrees that the technology provides staffing solutions that have yet to reach public acceptance or full legality. “Undead workers are kind of a gray area as far as the feds are concerned. And you bet your boots the unions are fighting it. But since you don’t have to pay the dead minimum wage, the potential impact this could have on America’s bottom line is off the charts! We’re pretty sure we can get the government on board as long as the GOP stays in charge.”

Escape Pod 26: The Ludes

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains drug use, some profanity, and codependent creatures of darkness.

Referenced sites:
The Sci-Fi Podcast Network
Geek Fu Action Grip
I Should Be Writing
The Secrets
Slice of Sci-Fi
Skepticality
Alien Ethos
The Signal
Earthcore
Ancestor
Morevi


The Ludes

By Lisa M. Bradley

That might seem funny to those who’ve ever bothered to attend these performances, to say that someone didn’t belong. The audience is always a motley sort–faculty and spouses, local musicians and artists, music students and jocks who have to attend so many of these things to get credit for required courses, waitresses and office workers desperate for some culture, their school-age children (alternately awed and bored to tears), homeless folks who need a warm place to sleep for a couple of hours, mentally and physically handicapped folks hauled out as someone’s idea of a good deed, and, of course, recreational drug users with nothing better to do.

Still, he didn’t belong. He was Gothic. Not like those kids who hang out at Hot Topic and think wearing black nail polish expresses their inner turmoil, their eternal angst. I’d seen Goths there before and he wasn’t Goth, he was Gothic–dark and looming, faintly chivalrous in manner, seemingly possessed of a great, tragic secret. I thought of Bronte’s Heathcliff.

Escape Pod 23: The Dream Factory

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains sexual situations and a sleazy industry.

Referenced sites:
The Bear’s Grove
Podcheck Review
Thither.biz


The Dream Factory

By Jenn Reese

You need some younger Ast-tlakians for a new fantasy feature the company is doing. It’s Lord of the Rings meets Kindergarten Cop. Vin Diesel to star, Woo to direct. So you need a bunch of realistic fantasy creatures, and Stan Winston figured out long ago that it was easier to hire off-world than build all these bizarre creatures from scratch. It’s a big industry secret, and you need to keep it that way. You have a tendency to brag and name-drop when you’re drunk, so you’re only mostly sure that you haven’t told anyone.

Escape Pod 21: Platypus Girl

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains violence, profanity, and crimes against chemistry.

Referenced sites:
Mirrormask


Platypus Girl

By Jonathon Sullivan

Rufus didn’t relent. “How come you ain’t got a license, skillet face?”

Shari struggled to keep her own distaste under control. Emotion could screw up the reading, her own pheromones and toxins clogging up the massive olfactory bulb and entorhinal cortex that occupied most of her cranium. She took a deep breath, pulling air through her huge nostrils, trying to calm herself. At least she didn’t have to see the man’s face.

EP Flash: Pennywhistle

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains graphic violence and disturbing images.


Pennywhistle

By Greg van Eekhout

“Piper,” I screamed, fumbling in my purse. Too late. He brought his pipe to his lips and blew a note that almost made my eyeglasses shatter. Over at the sandbox, Nathan rose to his feet. He started moving towards the man. All the children did.

Escape Pod 14: Tis the Season

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains strong religious themes, graphic violence, and aggressive Zen.


Tis the Season

By K. D. Wentworth

It was Christmas Eve and that nasty, strung-out feeling of anticipation clotted the air like a cheap deodorizer. I hate Christmas the most–all that insincere, pious yap about “peace on
earth, goodwill towards men.” I was cruising down the expressway, on my way back from dismantling an illegal manger scene someone had erected at the river park, keeping an eye out
for graffiti, you know–“Where will _you_ spend eternity?” or “Buddha lives!”–that kind of crap, spray-painted on underpasses right where impressionable schoolchildren could see it. The last rays of the setting sun were painting the highway a faint rose when I spotted a broken-down van with the metal outline of a stylized fish just above the back bumper. The short hairs crawled up the back of my neck. Them fish guys have been some of my worst busts.

EP Flash: Friday Night Gods


Friday Night Gods

By Josh Rountree

Brodie approached the line of scrimmage and both sides of the field erupted. The red-robed fans in the visitor’s stands surged like a crimson wave, swaying in unison as they began the  Rite of Interception. They stamped their feet against the aluminum bleachers, chanting as they drew gleaming blades across the bellies of countless doomed rattlesnakes. Their blood spilled, the snakes were then hurled onto the field. The rain of reptiles sounded like bacon burning in a skillet as the animals protested their own sacrifice.