Posts Tagged ‘stephen eley’

EP079: Mountain, Man


By Heather Shaw.
Read by Stephen Eley.
Discuss on our forums.
All stories by Heather Shaw
All stories read by Stephen Eley

“Look, miss, I’m going to have to cut your hair to do this. Is that all right?”

She smiled at him from her upside-down, bent-over position, so he took that as a yes. He found an old pair of garden shears and took a hunk of her hair, gathered it into a rough ponytail, and hacked it off.

A pair of mountain bluebirds flew out from where the nest of hair had been.

Rated PG. Contains non-explicit sex, accidental assault, and geological scatology.

EP073: Barnaby in Exile


By Mike Resnick.
Read by Paul Fischer (of The Balticon Podcast)
Discuss on our forums.
All stories by Mike Resnick.
All stories read by Paul Fischer.

“Very good, Barnaby,” she says. “And what is this?”

“Kitten,” I say.

We go through the whole book.

“Where is Barnaby?” I ask.

“Barnaby is an ape,” she says. “There is no picture of an ape in the book.”

I wonder if there are any other Barnabys in the world, and if they are lonely too.

Rated G. Contains nothing age-inappropriate. However, some listeners may find it excessively sad.

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Referenced sites:
2006 Podcast & Portable Media Expo

EP067: Life in Stone


By Tim Pratt.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Tim Pratt.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

After ascending 72 flights of iron stairs, creeping past tentacled sentinels lurking in pools filled with black water, and silently dispatching wizened old warriors armed with glaives and morningstars that proved a close match for his pistols and poisoned glass knives, Mr. Zealand at last stumbled into the uppermost room of Archibald Grace’s invisible tower. All Zealand’s earlier murders were mere journeyman work compared to this final assassination, the murder of a man who’d lived for untold centuries, who’d come to America and enslaved Buffalo spirits, who’d built this tower of ice and iron on the far side of the Rockies as a sanctuary and stronghold for his own precious life.

Rated R. Contains strong violent imagery, some sexual content, and themes of immor(t)ality.

Referenced sites:
Invasion: The Complete Series on DVD
Obsidian River
Spaceship Radio
Decoder Ring Theatre – Main Site
Decoder Ring Theatre – Podcast Site
Sonic Society – Main Site
Sonic Society – Podcast Site
Amazing Pulp Adventures
Pseudopod – The Sound of Horror
Worldcon 2006: Anaheim, CA, August 23–27
Dragon*Con: Atlanta, GA, September 1–4

EP Poem: Making Monsters


A Poem by Tim Pratt.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Tim Pratt.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

He is the reason clowns so often seem
sinister, the reason mannequins and dolls
can be so unsettling, the reason a child’s
tricycle
sitting unattended in a front yard can be an image
suffused with dread. If he goes on
this way, who knows what other objects
will attain an aura of menace?

Rated PG. May provoke disturbing thoughts.

This poem originally ran in Strange Horizons in July of 2004.

EP011: Herd Mentality


By Jay Caselberg.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Jay Caselberg
All stories read by Stephen Eley

Einstein was getting old now. All of them. Not so old that he was past it, but you had to wonder. When our troops liberated the Spemann Lab complex in 1945, the Einsteins had been just five years old. The Government had done the humanitarian thing and brought them back home. Eventually, someone had leaked the information and slowly, slowly, public pressure and outrage had grown. The big hush-hush operation our government had mounted was shut down and the Einsteins were released – or rather, they were integrated into society in a humanitarian manner. That was the wording the government press releases used. Two hundred and fifty is a lot of Einsteins.

Rated G. Suitable for world-dominating clone armies of all ages.

EP010: The Girlfriends of Dorian Gray


By Gregory Frost.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Gregory Frost
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

For all that, his manners were impeccable. It wasn’t that he sat slobbering and gnashing, drawing attention to himself as some deranged Neanderthal with a fork might have done. No, he ate demurely, quietly, chatting with her, truly interested in what she had to say (or at least feigning interest so well that she would never notice the difference). Dinner with him lasted the entire evening. The courses came and went ‚Äî soups, hors-d’oeuvres, first course, main course, cheese course, desserts and coffee, liqueurs. She would not have noticed right away that he had eaten an extra course, or more than one dessert, or consumed an entire bottle of wine on his own and helped her with half of another. Simply, he ate. And ate. And ate. And ate.

Rated R. Contains explicit sex, cruelty, and immoral dining.

EP Flash: Slicing


By Greg van Eekhout.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Greg van Eekhout
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

The fact is, almost any new knife can cut through an aluminum can and then slice a tomato with equal ease. Don’t believe me, buy a new cheap knife and try it yourself. The pitch man hacks through a tree branch. He cuts a radiator hose. And this ho-hum humbug works. If he hammered a nail with his shoe people would buy nine pair, as long as they came with a free shoehorn and an extra pair of laces.

EP008: Lachrymose and the Golden Egg


By Tim Pratt
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Tim Pratt.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

“Foul temptress?” I said, stepping back, clanking in my armor. A suit of plate mail often appears when I’m startled. I wished the armor away and replaced it with soft green leggings and a deerskin shirt. “Wily seductress?”

“Damsel in distress.” She leaned against a tree, hands clasped before her.

I clutched my stick and looked around. “Immediate distress, or general distress?” I worried about ogres, or killbots. They often menace damsels, and when the wind’s wrong, you can’t smell them coming, neither rotten meat nor engine oil. It’s hard to hurt an ogre or a killbot with a staff, but I’m useless with a sword. I used a blade on my first few outings, but after chopping off my feet six times, I switched to a stick.

Rated PG. Contains slight profanity, drug use, and violence against were-ape ninjas.


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EP007: The Trouble With Death Traps


By Marjorie James.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Marjorie James.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

A razor-sharp blade shot out of the wall and whipped in front of the teen’s face. Xnab hauled him back and spun him around.

“First thing you have to learn in this business: never kick anything. Got that?”

“Yes sir. Sorry sir.”

“Good.”

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“What’s the second thing?”

Rated PG. Contains no sexual content or strong language. Does contain whirling blades of death.

EP006: Jenny Nettles


By Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

On the morning after his death, a clear fluid began to leak from the Jenny‘s mainmast: slow, glistening droplets that curled out and ran downward from where the knives were stuck in the wood. “It’s water,” said the ship’s cook. “But not fresh. Salt. Like blood.”

“Not like blood,” said Big Tom, who had also tasted it. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes were hollow and dark. “Not like blood — like tears.”

Rated PG. Contains violence, supernatural themes, and sailors who do not swear.