I Was An Alien Love Machine

by D. H. Willison

Not an actual machine, of course. Those things are fun at first, but get repetitive after a while. At least, from how I’ve heard friends tell it. It’s a local expression I’d picked up on my LARP adventure. When I signed up to become a swapper, I didn’t specifically plan on romance. I was just sick of modern technology and wanted to live somewhere life was simple for a while. Earth wasn’t my first choice, but the surgery necessary to fit in on Yegnad II looked… painful.

I’ll spare you my early misadventures; mixing up soy sauce and coffee at a diner, discovering that ‘getting laid’ didn’t pertain to eggs in quite the way I’d surmised, things like that. I’d had my ups and downs that first month, experienced local culture, participated in numerous customs, and even managed not to get arrested for any misunderstandings which were completely understandable and/or not my fault. I was presently engaged in a practice known as ‘regretting one’s life choices at a drinking establishment.’

(Continue Reading…)