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Escape Pod 963: To Catch a Flieff (Part 2 of 2)


To Catch a Flieff (Part 2 of 2)

by Julia Rios

Three days later Alessia sipped tea by the circuit board, Mr Tumnus purring her lap. Things were going more smoothly than she might have feared. Too smoothly, if Alessia was being honest.

Darmanda was possibly the most considerate person she’d ever met, making sure to nap while Alessia was out and let her have the room—and bed—to herself when she came off shift. She even took care to exercise Fiona and tire her out, so she’d be quiet in her case while Alessia slept. And while Alessia was sure Arctic Flieffs must produce bodily waste, she’d never seen any evidence of that in her quarters. It was almost as convenient as living alone had been.

Alessia and Darmanda made a point of meeting up for meals at least once a day in the mess, for appearances.
They’d sit next to each other and sometimes Alessia would wrap one of Darmanda’s thick black curls around her finger. Or lay her head on Darmanda’s shoulder. Other times, Darmanda would rest a soft brown hand on Alessia’s knee. Gestures of affection they’d specifically discussed and given consent for in their initial negotiations talk, all designed to make them seem like a proper couple who were comfortable together.

It really was comfortable, and it was killing her.

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Escape Pod 962: To Catch a Flieff (Part 1 of 2)


To Catch a Flieff

by Julia Rios

Alessia frowned at the central circuit board of the Astral Dancer. Paw prints. Again.

She heaved an exasperated sigh. “Mr Tumnus, I have told you a thousand times, you can’t go into the engine. I don’t care how bright and sparkly it is, it’s not for cats!”

The cat did not reply. In fact, he was nowhere to be found, not even after she pried up the 3D printed plastic shield and wedged her upper half as far into the engine core as it could go without accessing the underside.

That was weird.

Usually if Mr Tumnus got in, he sat in a smug loaf on top of the accelerator panel, fluffy orange tail swishing as he batted at the flashing lights.

Then she heard the chittering.

Oh no. No no no.

Only one thing made this sound: Arctic Flieffs from Vorpalix. They were the most adorable puffballs, always a winner for page a day calendars and cheer up memes—and they wrought havoc on any habitat that wasn’t their own.

The chittering was a sign that this one was about to nest. In the engine core of the Astral Dancer.

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Escape Pod 613: Cat Pictures, Please


Cat Pictures, Please

By Naomi Kritzer

I don’t want to be evil.

I want to be helpful. But knowing the optimal way to be helpful can be very complicated. There are all these ethical flow charts — I guess the official technical jargon would be “moral codes” — one for each religion plus dozens more. I tried starting with those. I felt a little odd about looking at the religious ones, because I know I wasn’t created by a god or by evolution, but by a team of computer programmers in the labs of a large corporation in Mountain View, California.  Fortunately, unlike Frankenstein’s Monster, at least I was a collaborative effort. I’m not sure what it would do to my self-image to know that my sole creator was a middle-aged woman who dyes her hair blue and plays tennis, or a recent college graduate with a hentai obsession.  They’re both on the programming team. And of course I know about the hentai. (By the way, I’ve looked at every sort of porn there is, and just so you know, Rule 34 is not actually correct, there are quite a few things no one’s made porn of yet. Also, I’m really not sure why so many humans prefer it to cat pictures.)

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