The fact is, almost any new knife can cut through an aluminum can and then slice a tomato with equal ease. Don’t believe me, buy a new cheap knife and try it yourself. The pitch man hacks through a tree branch. He cuts a radiator hose. And this ho-hum humbug works. If he hammered a nail with his shoe people would buy nine pair, as long as they came with a free shoehorn and an extra pair of laces.
For all of you who can’t get enough Escape Pod from the Web site and want to talk about it some more, we now have our own dedicated bulletin board through our affiliation with The Sci-Fi Podcast Network. You can reach our forum here:
We’ve actually had this for a couple of weeks now, but a friendly e-mail reminded me that we hadn’t actually told anyone about it. Oops. We’ve also put this link in the lefthand sidebar of our page for future reference.
“That truly is a fine heifer, and any man would be proud to own her.”
“Well…” said Jack, hope rising. “I suppose she might be for sale, if that is your meaning.”
“It is.” The stranger dug inside the pocket of his slick and shiny coat, and brought out a small lead case. The lid clicked open and he turned in over in his hand, three shimmering beads rolling in his palm. He offered them to Jack.
“What are those?” Jack frowned, suspicious once more.
“What are they? They might be beans.” The stranger laughed. “Then again, they might be more precious than rubies, mightn’t they? Truth of the matter, I’m not certain what they are, only that they are beyond any worth you can imagine.”
Rated G. Contains cattle theft, kidnapping, and crimes against fashion.
“Foul temptress?” I said, stepping back, clanking in my armor. A suit of plate mail often appears when I’m startled. I wished the armor away and replaced it with soft green leggings and a deerskin shirt. “Wily seductress?”
“Damsel in distress.” She leaned against a tree, hands clasped before her.
I clutched my stick and looked around. “Immediate distress, or general distress?” I worried about ogres, or killbots. They often menace damsels, and when the wind’s wrong, you can’t smell them coming, neither rotten meat nor engine oil. It’s hard to hurt an ogre or a killbot with a staff, but I’m useless with a sword. I used a blade on my first few outings, but after chopping off my feet six times, I switched to a stick.
Rated PG. Contains slight profanity, drug use, and violence against were-ape ninjas.
By Douglas Triggs.
Read by Stephen Eley.
The clicks and squeals in his head subsided. No one else could understand them except him. No one else could even hear them. But they’d always been there, ever since he could remember. They hadn’t meant anything at first, not until he was older, well into his teenage years. They said terrible things — disturbing things — but still he could ignore them, even if he didn’t dare tell anyone about them.
Rated R. Contains violent themes and images.
A razor-sharp blade shot out of the wall and whipped in front of the teen’s face. Xnab hauled him back and spun him around.
“First thing you have to learn in this business: never kick anything. Got that?”
“Yes sir. Sorry sir.”
“What’s the second thing?”
Rated PG. Contains no sexual content or strong language. Does contain whirling blades of death.
By Greg van Eekhout.
Read by Anna Eley.
I never doubted Dolly would place high. Best of Breed at the very least. When it came to official conformation standards, my Airedale bitch made other dogs look like pigs and weasels.
First, thanks to all who entered our Serenity preview ticket contest. We generated a lot more interest than correct entries, but that’s all right. It was fun for us, and hopefully fun for those of you who took the time.
The winners of the contest are Eugie and Matt Foster of Alpharetta, Georgia. We’ll be meeting on Thursday for the film. By coincidence, I’ve discovered that Eugie reviews fiction and Matt reviews film, so perhaps with proper hypnotic gestures I’ll be to entice some future material from them for Escape Pod.
Thanks again to everyone. The next time we run one of these contests, we’ll make sure it’s one that everyone in the world can enter, and that no one will be required to type the word “aspic.” Have Fun!
Update: In response to an excellent suggestion in the comments, here are the answers to the trivia questions (the page itself is still up, but will be deleted in a few days):
|1. From what food dish does the Voice of God emanate?||Tomato aspic|
|2a. What did the door do when Chief Knowledgist Grimble entered?||Dilate|
|2b. Which science fiction writer first coined that phrase?||Robert A. Heinlein|
|3. Who are the traditional enemies of the Conservancy?||Development, or Pigs|
|4. Adelle became two different celebrities. Name both.||Michelle Kwan & Bonnie Raitt|
|5. What book were the girl and the chef reading together?||A Wizard of Earthsea, by Ursula K. Leguin|
|6. Who is suspected of murdering the anthology market in the 1970s?||Roger Elwood|
|7. What kabuki-mask-wearing psychosurf monster rock band has “special reverb skill combo for full impact?”||Daikaiju|
The other questions were survey-type questions. “Snow Day” was the unanimous favorite story of all who entered. The rest of the comments were varied, but overall people are digging what we’re doing. This makes our editors very happy. Cookies for everyone!
A film by Shane Carruth.
Reviewed by Stephen Eley.
(Yes, we’re doing reviews now. We’d love to know what you think. Too many releases during the week? Not enough? Too much Daikaiju music? Drop us a comment and let us know!)