EP008: Lachrymose and the Golden Egg


By Tim Pratt
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Tim Pratt.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

“Foul temptress?” I said, stepping back, clanking in my armor. A suit of plate mail often appears when I’m startled. I wished the armor away and replaced it with soft green leggings and a deerskin shirt. “Wily seductress?”

“Damsel in distress.” She leaned against a tree, hands clasped before her.

I clutched my stick and looked around. “Immediate distress, or general distress?” I worried about ogres, or killbots. They often menace damsels, and when the wind’s wrong, you can’t smell them coming, neither rotten meat nor engine oil. It’s hard to hurt an ogre or a killbot with a staff, but I’m useless with a sword. I used a blade on my first few outings, but after chopping off my feet six times, I switched to a stick.

Rated PG. Contains slight profanity, drug use, and violence against were-ape ninjas.


Download this week’s Escape Pod.

EP Flash: Ubiquitous


By Douglas Triggs.
Read by Stephen Eley.

The clicks and squeals in his head subsided. No one else could understand them except him. No one else could even hear them. But they’d always been there, ever since he could remember. They hadn’t meant anything at first, not until he was older, well into his teenage years. They said terrible things — disturbing things — but still he could ignore them, even if he didn’t dare tell anyone about them.

Rated R. Contains violent themes and images.

EP007: The Trouble With Death Traps


By Marjorie James.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Marjorie James.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

A razor-sharp blade shot out of the wall and whipped in front of the teen’s face. Xnab hauled him back and spun him around.

“First thing you have to learn in this business: never kick anything. Got that?”

“Yes sir. Sorry sir.”

“Good.”

“Sir?”

“Yes?”

“What’s the second thing?”

Rated PG. Contains no sexual content or strong language. Does contain whirling blades of death.

And the winner is…


First, thanks to all who entered our Serenity preview ticket contest. We generated a lot more interest than correct entries, but that’s all right. It was fun for us, and hopefully fun for those of you who took the time.

The winners of the contest are Eugie and Matt Foster of Alpharetta, Georgia. We’ll be meeting on Thursday for the film. By coincidence, I’ve discovered that Eugie reviews fiction and Matt reviews film, so perhaps with proper hypnotic gestures I’ll be to entice some future material from them for Escape Pod.

Thanks again to everyone. The next time we run one of these contests, we’ll make sure it’s one that everyone in the world can enter, and that no one will be required to type the word “aspic.” Have Fun!

Update: In response to an excellent suggestion in the comments, here are the answers to the trivia questions (the page itself is still up, but will be deleted in a few days):

Question Answer
1. From what food dish does the Voice of God emanate? Tomato aspic
2a. What did the door do when Chief Knowledgist Grimble entered? Dilate
2b. Which science fiction writer first coined that phrase? Robert A. Heinlein
3. Who are the traditional enemies of the Conservancy? Development, or Pigs
4. Adelle became two different celebrities. Name both. Michelle Kwan & Bonnie Raitt
5. What book were the girl and the chef reading together? A Wizard of Earthsea, by Ursula K. Leguin
6. Who is suspected of murdering the anthology market in the 1970s? Roger Elwood
7. What kabuki-mask-wearing psychosurf monster rock band has “special reverb skill combo for full impact?” Daikaiju

The other questions were survey-type questions. “Snow Day” was the unanimous favorite story of all who entered. The rest of the comments were varied, but overall people are digging what we’re doing. This makes our editors very happy. Cookies for everyone!

EP006: Jenny Nettles


By Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

On the morning after his death, a clear fluid began to leak from the Jenny‘s mainmast: slow, glistening droplets that curled out and ran downward from where the knives were stuck in the wood. “It’s water,” said the ship’s cook. “But not fresh. Salt. Like blood.”

“Not like blood,” said Big Tom, who had also tasted it. His cheeks were sunken, and his eyes were hollow and dark. “Not like blood — like tears.”

Rated PG. Contains violence, supernatural themes, and sailors who do not swear.

EP Flash: Strange Girlfriend


By Scott Janssens.
Read by Stephen Eley.

“Would you notice if I was replaced by an alien?” your girlfriend Heather asks over her Greek salad.

You’ve been dating for eight months. Surprises in the relationship are rare now, but this catches you completely off guard. “What?” you say.


Download the Escape Pod Flash.

Win Serenity Tickets!


Are you in or near Atlanta, Georgia? Want to see the preview screening of Serenity on June 23?

Escape Pod has, through subtle and nefarious means, scored a pair of tickets to the event. And because we’re idio–I mean, because we love you, we’re giving them away. All you have to do is answer a few questions about our show.

If you’re not in Atlanta, and not willing to drive/fly/tunnel your way here, then I’m sorry. For our next contest we’ll try to offer something every science fiction fan can use. (And no, I’m not talking about Alyson Hannigan. Ask again later.)

EP Promo


We’ve had a few requests by other podcasters for the Escape Pod promo segment, heard already on great shows such as The Dragon Page Winging It and Geek Fu Action Grip. So here it is for the world. If you choose to play it yourself or otherwise pass it on, we’d appreciate a line letting us know where so we can check you out, but it isn’t strictly necessary.

It’s also a complete story in its own right, so hopefully the rest of you will enjoy it as just another flash fiction piece.

(Note: This promo contains a lot of podcasting in-jokes. You may find some of it inscrutable if you don’t listen to other podcasts. Just take our word that it’s funny, okay?)


Download the Escape Pod promo.