Category: Erotica – NOT FOR KIDS

EP390: Cerbo un Vitra ujo

By Mary Robinette Kowal
Read by Veronica Giguere

Discuss on our forums. 

Cerbo un Vitra ujo
By Mary Robinette Kowal

Grete snipped a diseased branch off her Sunset-Glory rosebush like she was a body harvester looking for the perfect part. Behind the drone of the garden’s humidifiers, she caught a woosh-snick as the airlock door opened. Her boyfriend barreled around Mom’s prize Emperor artichoke.

Something was wrong.

The whites showed around Kaj’s remarkable eyes, a blue-green so iridescent they seemed to dull all the plants around them. “Mom and Dad got me a Pass to a down-planet school!”

The blood congealed in her veins. Kaj would leave her. Grete forced a smile. “That’s the outer limit!”

“I didn’t even know they’d applied. Fairview Academy—game design.” His perfect teeth flashed like sunshine against the ink of space.

“It’s wacking crazed. Should’ve been you, you’re a better hack than me.”

“I’m already entitled to school.” Grete winced as the words left her mouth. Like he didn’t know that. He was the middle of five children, way past the Banwith Station family allowance. She picked up the pruning sheers to hide the shake in her hands. How would she live without Kaj? “So, I guess you got packing to do and stuff.”

“They provide uniforms. All I’m taking is my pod with music and books. Zero else.” Kaj slid his arm around her waist and laced his long, delicate fingers through hers. “And I want to spend every moment till launch with you.”

She loved him so much, it hurt. Grete leaned her head against him, burning the feel of his body into her memory. She breathed in the musky smell of his sweat and kissed his neck, sampling the salt on his skin.

After a moment, Kaj hung a chain around her neck. The metal tags hanging from it were still warm from his body.

“What?”

“Dogtags, like they used in the oldwars. I put all my bios on there so you’d remember me.”

“Kaj Lorensen, don’t think I could forget you.”

But if he was away at school, he might forget her. She studied her rosebush and freed the most perfect rose with her sheers. She held it out to him, suddenly shy.

He kissed the rose and then her palm. Grete sank into his gaze, lost in the blue-green of his eyes.

EP248: Spar

By Kij Johnson.
Read by: Kate Baker of Clarkesworld Magazine.
Discuss on our forums.
Originally published in: ClarkesworldDownload and read the text.
All stories by Kij Johnson.
All stories read by Kate Baker.

The alien is not humanoid. It is not bipedal. It has cilia. It has no bones, or perhaps it does and she cannot feel them. Its muscles, or what might be muscles, are rings and not strands. Its skin is the color of dusk and covered with a clear thin slime that tastes of snot. It makes no sounds. She thinks it smells like wet leaves in winter, but after a time she cannot remember that smell, or leaves, or winter.

Its Ins and Outs change. There are dark slashes and permanent knobs that sometimes distend, but it is always growing new Outs, hollowing new Ins. It cleaves easily in both senses.

It penetrates her a thousand ways. She penetrates it, as well.

Rated X – Graphic language and sexual situations. Not for kids. Seriously.

Show Notes:

  • This particular story and narration were originally recorded by Kate Baker for Clarkesworld Magazine, and is used here with their expressed permission. Thanks very much to Baker and Clarkesworld.
  • The Escape Pod Flash Contest is over! now check out the judging!
  • Editor’s note: Thanks so much to Dave Thompson and Peter Wood for taking on this project of securing all five Hugo stories during the hiatus of Escape Pod. Most of the work was done before I joined, and this wouldn’t have happened without them stepping up.

Next week… We’re back to our regularly scheduled programming with a story from Heather Shaw!

EP218: Ode To Katan Amano

by Caitlin R. Kiernan
narrated by Kim the Comic Book Goddess

No one hears when I ease the heavy steel door shut behind me. All the ears in the darkened workshop, all those hundreds and hundreds of ears, but still no one hears a thing. And I stand there for a while, as unmoving as they, not exactly frightened and not exactly uncertain if I should see this through — I think I stand there in reverence. I be-lieve that’s the word that people use for what I feel in that moment, standing there alone, alone with that assembled crowd.

Rated X for violence and strong sexual situations.  As Steve says in the intro, this one isn’t for the kids.

EP150: This, My Body

By Jeremiah Tolbert.
Read by Stephen Eley.

I am the lover. I am the chef. I am the preterite priest.

I am the secret, unknowable ingredient. You may taste me a thousand times, but never hold my essence on your tongue or capture it in your memory.

I am the flavor of ecstasy. Taste me and know God.

–Prayer of the Assaisonnement Saints

Rated X. Contains graphic sexual and culinary scenes.

Today’s Sponsor:

Infected by Scott Sigler

EP126: The Sweet, Sad Love Song of Fred and Wilma

By Nick Dichario and Mike Resnick.
Read by Stephen Eley.
Discuss on our forums.
First appeared in Science Fiction Age, November 1994.
All stories by Nick Dichario and Mike Resnick.
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

So there you have him, Frederick Bannister, tripping across the highways and byways of of life, stubbing a toe here, bruising an elbow there, spilling this, dropping that, and managing to make it to the halfway point without too many major accomplishments or disasters.

And what of Wilma?

She possessed massive storage capacity, and no fourth-level equation, no matter how complex, was beyond her, but whether she was bright or merely well programmed is a moot point. Or at least it was in the beginning.

Rated X. Contains explicit sex of several kinds. Not recommended for younger audiences.

Referenced Books:
A Small and Remarkable Life by Nick DiChario
Magic Feathers: The Mike and Nick Show, by Nick DiChario and Mike Resnick

EP104: Lust for Learning

By Pete Butler.
Read by cunning minx (of Polyamory Weekly) and Stephen Eley.

Musical guest: “First of May,” written by Jonathan Coulton and performed by many podcasters for the Joe Murphy Memorial Fund.

Yet Mme. Theuret’s word-of-mouth reputation was to die for. Both the official feedback data and the school’s on-line forums placed her among Wilhelm U’s most popular instructors. It was a matter of technique. Wilhelm U was awash in eye candy, but Monique’s pitch-perfect mastery of lascivious restraint was something else entirely.

All thirty-eight of her new students–she’d have wagered a month’s salary that not a soul had skipped this class–now looked at her with naked desire, even though she’d merely introduced herself.

She remained silent to let the anticipation build a bit, to inform them they were now at her mercy. “Welcome,” she finally said, “to Computer Science 338, Artificial Intelligence.”

Rated X. Contains explicit sexual description, sexual innuendo, sexual themes — and some sex.

Referenced Sites:

Joe Murphy Memorial Fund

Jonathan Coulton

EP043: Little Worker

By Paul Di Filippo.
Read by Jonathon Sullivan.

At home, Little Worker could do pretty much as she pleased, as long as she was there should Mister Michael need her. At the office–and in other public places–she had to be more circumspect and diligent. Little Worker was on duty her, in a way that was more intense than behind the electrified fence and active sensors of the estate. (Once, one of the men at the Training School had said: “Little Worker, you are the most diligent companion I’ve ever trained.” The men of the school had been nice, in their stern way. But no one was like Mister Michael.)

Today, however, Little Worker’s mind was not on her work.

Rated X. Contains sex, violence, domestic slavery, and furries you don’t want to mess with.

Referenced sites:
Voices: New Media Fiction
Girl Genius Radio Theatre
The Podcast Pedant

EP039: My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie

By Eugie Foster.
Read by the Word Whore (of Air Out My Shorts).

I don’t know how it happened. I’m the last person I’d go to if I were a
zombie; I’m not into the occult thing at all. But I was the only friend
Mandy had in this city, so she came to me with her sob story. Lucky me. So
there she was, kicked back in my bed, having herself a good, long cry and I
was stuck with her, wondering how long until she began stinking. That was
really unfair of me, I know, but there was a goddamn walking, talking corpse
snuggled up in my good sheets and I was a little concerned about it.

Rated X. Contains profanity, sexual situations, and the undead, in various combinations.

Referenced sites:
The Sci Phi Show
Tangent Short Fiction Review
The Town Drunk
Radio A.D.D.

EP020: The Burning Bush

By Jennifer Pelland.
Read by Deborah Green.

I did the sensible thing. I screamed and ran to the bathroom, where I started tossing cups of water on my crotch in the hopes of extinguishing the flames. My boyfriend ran in behind me, started the shower up, and tossed me into the freezing water. But the fire continued to rage, despite the dousing.

At that point, I realized that I wasn’t actually in any pain. I stepped out of the stream of water, teeth still chattering, and held my hand in the blue flames. “This should hurt,” I said.

Rated X. For blasphemy and anatomy. Really.

Referenced sites:
I Should Be Writing
Dag Viggo Lok√∏en