Archive for 10 and Up

EP027: Union Dues – Iron Bars and the Glass Jaw


By Jeffrey R. DeRego.
Read by Jonathon Sullivan.
All stories by Jeffrey R. DeRego

“You super folks must think we’re pretty damn foolish, especially us in the law enforcement community.”

Look at him leaning back with his feet up on the desk. Did he just walk out of Cool Hand Luke? Sheesh, you’d think a sheriff would want to be more dignified. “No sir. You and your brethren are integral to the fabric of society. We of The Union are grateful for your hard work and courage.” I can rattle that sort of crap off all day long.

Rated PG. Contains graphic scenes of class conflict and superhuman self-doubt.

Referenced sites:
HorrorView
Beyond the Storm: Shadows of the Big Easy
SFFAudio

EP Flash: Mount Dragon


By Vera Nazarian.
Read by Stephen Eley.

“Go to hell, idiot,” I said, using an astringent tongue he’d understand. “I
am but a monumental slab of granite, and you, mortality, are like one of
the droppings of a fairly large corpulent deity–an ephemeral honor I would
rather pass me by.”

“And yet, you speak to me, mountain,” said the mote of humanity. “Why is
that?”

I considered that for a moment. The creature had a point.

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly.

Rated PG. Contains some profanity. Paradigms may shift without warning.

EP025: The Great Old Pumpkin


By John Aegard.
Read by Stephen Eley. Music by Toby Chappell.

As you are no doubt aware, I am the issue of solid Dutch stock—the prosperous Van Pelt family of St. Paul. Mine was a comfortable and happy childhood, and I spent much of it in the devoted service of the Great Old Pumpkin. For him, I cultivated an annual pumpkin patch. I also evangelized him in the community, relating the tale of how, every year on Hallowmas Eve, the day when the spiritual most strongly encroaches on the substantial, this mightiest of gourds would rise to revel across the world with the most sincere of his adorers. My neighbors were understandably skeptical; after all, not once had this superbeing ever chosen to grace my pumpkin patch or any other place in our town. I vowed that I would coax him into my backyard, and I set out in the manner of a learned man to discover how I might do this.

Rated PG. Contains dark imagery and terrifying fruit.

Referenced sites:
Eyes of Ligeia
Amphigory
K9Cast

EP024: The Death Trap of Dr. Nefario


By Benjamin Rosenbaum.
Read by Chris Miller (of Unquiet Desperation) with Stephen Eley.

“Well, you know, Doc, safe is a relative thing in my profession, but I
have you on the headset, and I’m picking the lock on these handcuffs
as we’re talking. I think I’ll be fine, the piranhas are still 5 or 6
feet below me.”

“All right, but isn’t our conversation going to distract you?” I
asked. “I know you’re upset, but wouldn’t you rather call back at
another time?”

“I’d really like to talk about it, Doc. I always find talking to you
clears my mind and makes me more effective. I may need to go if the
henchmen come back, though.”

Rated PG. Contains childhood trauma and mild gratuitous villainy.

Referenced sites:
Dead White Guys
The Sci Phi Show

EP022: Don Ysidro


By Bruce Holland Rogers.
Read by Evo Terra (of The Dragon Page).

On that last morning, anyone who came to visit me could see that I was dying. I knew it myself. As if I had cotton in my ears, I heard the voice of don Leandro saying to my wife, “Dona Susana, I think it is time to fetch the priest,” and I thought, yes, it’s time.

We don’t have our own priest, or even our own church, so someone has to drive in a pickup truck to get the priest from El Puentecito. But don’t be fooled by what you may hear in Malpasa or in Palpan de Baranda. Here we remain Catholic. Yes, we make pots in the old way. That’s why tourists come here. And it’s true, as is sometimes whispered, that we have restored certain other practices from the past. But not as they were done back then. Those were bloody and terrible times, the times of the Mejica. They say that the sacrificial blood covered the sun pyramids from top to bottom. Thank the Virgin, we don’t do anything like that.

Rated PG. Contains death rituals with possible disturbing imagery, and numerous pot references. (No, not that kind.)

Referenced sites:
Short-Short Stories
Podiobooks

EP Flash: The God of the Goblins


By Eric Marin.
Read by Stephen Eley.

The campaign had begun well. The Alarians swept south into goblin
territory, and Alarian rifles quickly overmatched goblin bows and crossbows.

In just a few weeks of fighting, the goblin population was halved. The
goblin chieftains realized that they were doomed without help and did the
only thing they could.

They asked their god, Twenty Claw, for help.

EP018: Some Girlfriends Can


By Stephanie Burgis.
Read by Swoopy (of Skepticality).

“Too bad it’s raining. Hey, Lauren, make the rain
stop, okay?” He reaches across the table and tousles
my hair affectionately.

I bare my teeth in the semblance of a grin. “Ha ha.
Sorry, I can’t.”

“I know.” He shakes his head, laughs ruefully. “It’s
just . . . Maya could.”

Rated PG. Contains explicit cattiness and violent self-reflection.

EP017: The Life and Times of Penguin


By Eugie Foster.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of Geek Fu Action Grip).


Penguin listened raptly to the new voice. He knew this was his guardian
angel, she who would guard and protect him forever. Sure enough, the
Creator set him gently into his angel’s hand. Her hands, much smaller than
the Creator’s–which was fitting since who among the angels had such power
as the Creator?–were a bit sticky. He squealed as she held him aloft to
receive the glorious light.

“Look, Daddy! It’s a peng’n!”

“Yes it is, Angie. It’s a very nice penguin. Did you thank the nice man
for the balloon?”

Rated PG. Contains explicit existentialism and violence of the soul. (The intro contains minor profanity and frank discussions of current events, and is likely to be more offensive than the story.)

EP016: Seamstress


By Sarah Prineas.
Read by Deborah Green.

So, the Godmother. She takes ragged, smudged things and turns them
into beautiful Princesses. Why, I don’t know. A hobby? A calling?
An obsession? Is she righting the wrongs done to her when she was
young?

When I first started here, I had a fantasy. That the Godmother would
pluck me out of the row of humpbacked, squinting Seamstresses and make
me, too, a beautiful Princess. With a gown sewn by…well, by the
poor wenches too old or ugly to catch the Godmother’s eye.

Rated PG. Contains sexual situations and, unrelated, the loss of innocence.