Archive for 10 and Up

EP Flash: Stuck In An Elevator With Mandy Patinkin


By Kitty Myers.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of Geek Fu Action Grip).

“Aren’t you Rube, the Grim Reaper in Dead Like Me?”

As he turned to look at me, an expression of amusement spread over his face like a wave of sunshine over a cloudy field. “I’m not a grim reaper in real life,” he mimicked, “but I do play one on TV!”

Rated PG. Contains references to drugs, claustrophobia, and canceled Showtime programming.

EP060: Creature For Hire


By Paul E. Martens.
Read by Mark Forman (of Getting A Leg Up and The Ex-Wife files).

“But, Morty, I’m an alien. Christ, I’m The Alien, the only one on the whole damned planet.
There’s got to be something.” It occurred to me that my apartment was too big. It seemed to be
getting bigger every day. And when I considered the rent
vis a vis my bank account balance, the
place was huge.

“The novelty’s worn off, kiddo. I’m surprised it lasted for four movies. And that last one
didn’t really count, just a walk-on in a dream sequence. The point is, people aren’t going to keep
paying to see something they’ve already seen, even if he is an alien. I mean, it’s not like you do
anything. You’re just there, you know?”

Rated PG. Contains minor innuendo, minor swearing, and some grotesque imagery. No livestock were harmed in the making of this podcast.

EP059: Anyone Can Whistle


(Technical Note: Argh. I got feedback today that the iTunes feed was grabbing the wrong file — and sure enough, it was. It worked fine when I tested it, but Feedburner must have changed something at some later point. I’m sorry for the confusion two weeks in a row, and my apologies if you get this story twice.)

By David Walton.
Read by J.R. Blackwell (of 365 Tomorrows and Voices of Tomorrow).

In the center of the room, on a platform, was our Dokja–not the humanoid body she took in VR, but a blue mass of flesh with dry fish-like skin that pulsated as she breathed. She had no definitive shape, no arms or legs or tentacles, or even a face. Her only prominent feature was a taut membrane stretched tightly over an opening at the top of her body. One section of that membrane was covered over with an elaborate breathing apparatus, and the familiar array of VR electrodes were attached to what must have been her central nervous system.

I felt ill just looking at her. But I knew therapy would readjust my feelings.

Rated PG. Contains innuendo and some violence.

Referenced sites:
Guild Wars
John W. Campbell Award
Chronigma (David Walton’s puzzles)
2006 Podcast Awards

EP055: Down Memory Lane


By Mike Resnick.
Read by Alex Wilson (of Telltale Weekly).
Discuss on our forums.
All stories by Mike Resnick.
All stories read by Alex Wilson.

I don’t know where I was when Kennedy was shot. I don’t know what I was doing when the World Trade Center collapsed under the onslaught of two jetliners. But I remember every single detail, every minute, every second, of the day we got the bad news.

“It may not be Alzheimer’s,” said Dr. Castleman. “Alzheimer’s is becoming a catchword for a variety of senile dementias. Eventually we’ll find out exactly which dementia it is, but there’s no question that Gwendolyn is suffering from one of them.”

Rated G.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
World Science Fiction Convention
L.A.Con IV
TellTale Weekly — Clarion Foundation Fundraiser
Hooting Yard Benevolent Fund for Distressed Out of Print Pamphleteers

EP054: Tk’tk’tk


By David D. Levine.
Read by Paul Tevis (of Have Games Will Travel).

Shkthh pth kstphst, the shopkeeper said, and Walker’s hypno-implanted vocabulary provided a translation: “What a delightful object.” Chitinous fingers picked up the recorder, scrabbling against the aluminum case with a sound that Walker found deeply disturbing. “What does it do?”

It took him a moment to formulate a reply. Even with hypno, Thfshpfth was a formidably complex language. “It listens and repeats,” he said. “You talk all day, it remembers all. Earth technology. Nothing like it for light-years.” The word for “light-year” was hkshkhthskht, difficult to pronounce. He hoped he’d gotten it right.

Rated PG. Contains scatology and crimes against pronunciation.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
Shelley the Republican
CAP Alert System
Bento Fanzine
National PTA
Rescuing Recess

EP053: Seventy-Five Years


By Michael A. Burstein.
Read by Deborah Green.

Isabel turned the handheld on and read to herself briefly. “According to this, your bill would push the date of release of the individual Census forms from seventy-two to seventy- five years.”

“It makes sense, Isabel.”

“It does?”

He pointed to her handheld. “You say you have my argument in there.”

“I do. And I find it specious.”

Rated G. Contains politics and reference to moral issues. (Your kids may not get it, but it shouldn’t offend.)

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
Wikipedia on the Hugo Award
Hugo History at a Glance
Novel Nominees – Electronic Editions
Rock ‘N’ Roll Monster Bash 2006

EP050: The Malcontent


By Stephen Eley.
Read by Paul Jenkins.

Finally Nicholas summoned his overseers and all other servants who were mobile to his chamber. “You are merely robots,” Nicholas said, “but I know you are not stupid. Doubtless during my withdrawal you laid plans to snare me again, to draw me against my will into a plot for my own happiness.”

“Harshly said, sir,” said the Overseer of Planning, “but essentially correct. We have found a young lady with whom we feel you will establish a more-than-satisfactory rapport, and taken measures to ensure that you shall not avoid her.”

Rated PG. Contains killer robots, incidental violence, and love looked for in all the wrong places.

EP048: Soul Food


By Paul E. Martens.
Read by Stephen Eley.

They are a quick lot, these humans. They dart about, rushing here, there, everywhere, as if
something were chasing them. They speak quickly, as well. I have to remember the sounds they
make, then replay them in my memory at a slower speed to decipher their words.

And my mission is not made any easier by the way they perceive it, and therefore me. To
them, the fact that I have come to eat one of them automatically makes me a monster.

Rated PG. Contains deep moral and gastronomical issues. And yelling.

EP045: Are You Ready For the End of the World?


(Technical Note: Stupidity on my part this morning resulted in the file being unavailable for a few hours. That’s fixed. To make sure everyone’s RSS feeds refresh, I’m replacing the original post. If you get the file twice, my apologies. Please e-mail me if you have any problems.)

By Danny Adams.
Read by Paul Jenkins and Tee Morris.

Would you like to know how to escape the imminent destruction of the Earth?

Sure, we all would.

And this site can help. Our specially-trained instructors can assist you in putting together your very own personal starship to get off this planet before its obliteration.

Rated PG. Contains a planet in peril, almost-helpful aliens, and a sociopathic football player. One or more of the three fail to come out on top.

Referenced sites:
Infection by Scott Sigler