Archive for Podcasts

EP020: The Burning Bush


By Jennifer Pelland.
Read by Deborah Green.

I did the sensible thing. I screamed and ran to the bathroom, where I started tossing cups of water on my crotch in the hopes of extinguishing the flames. My boyfriend ran in behind me, started the shower up, and tossed me into the freezing water. But the fire continued to rage, despite the dousing.

At that point, I realized that I wasn’t actually in any pain. I stepped out of the stream of water, teeth still chattering, and held my hand in the blue flames. “This should hurt,” I said.

Rated X. For blasphemy and anatomy. Really.

Referenced sites:
I Should Be Writing
Dag Viggo Lok√∏en

EP019: Implications


By James C. Bassett.
Read by Stephen Eley.

“Yes, obviously. But its judgement is rather lacking, wouldn’t you
say? Trying to translocate itself to the Ancestors’ Earth on a whim?
For that matter, Instructor, I might also question your own judgement.
Imagine, teaching macrolevel effects as an introduction to subquantum
nonlocality!”

Arcaprun jumped up and ran to its Instructor’s defence. “Aw, Prundis,
you know it wasn’t Grap’s fault. It was just a little accident.”

“_Just_ an accident?” Prundis countered drily. “You neglected to
factor in lightspeed lag when making observations to determine
coordinates and lost yourself halfway across the universe! It took me
three weeks to locate you! I was worried sick, Arc.”

Rated G. Suitable for macrolevel quantum explicate children of all ages.

Referenced podcasts:
Skepticality
Hooting Yard
Epistaxis Time

EP Flash: The God of the Goblins


By Eric Marin.
Read by Stephen Eley.

The campaign had begun well. The Alarians swept south into goblin
territory, and Alarian rifles quickly overmatched goblin bows and crossbows.

In just a few weeks of fighting, the goblin population was halved. The
goblin chieftains realized that they were doomed without help and did the
only thing they could.

They asked their god, Twenty Claw, for help.

EP018: Some Girlfriends Can


By Stephanie Burgis.
Read by Swoopy (of Skepticality).

“Too bad it’s raining. Hey, Lauren, make the rain
stop, okay?” He reaches across the table and tousles
my hair affectionately.

I bare my teeth in the semblance of a grin. “Ha ha.
Sorry, I can’t.”

“I know.” He shakes his head, laughs ruefully. “It’s
just . . . Maya could.”

Rated PG. Contains explicit cattiness and violent self-reflection.

EP017: The Life and Times of Penguin


By Eugie Foster.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of Geek Fu Action Grip).


Penguin listened raptly to the new voice. He knew this was his guardian
angel, she who would guard and protect him forever. Sure enough, the
Creator set him gently into his angel’s hand. Her hands, much smaller than
the Creator’s–which was fitting since who among the angels had such power
as the Creator?–were a bit sticky. He squealed as she held him aloft to
receive the glorious light.

“Look, Daddy! It’s a peng’n!”

“Yes it is, Angie. It’s a very nice penguin. Did you thank the nice man
for the balloon?”

Rated PG. Contains explicit existentialism and violence of the soul. (The intro contains minor profanity and frank discussions of current events, and is likely to be more offensive than the story.)

EP Flash: Pennywhistle


By Greg van Eekhout.
Read by Anna Eley.

“Piper,” I screamed, fumbling in my purse. Too late. He brought his pipe to his lips and blew a note that almost made my eyeglasses shatter. Over at the sandbox, Nathan rose to his feet. He started moving towards the man. All the children did.

Rated R. Contains graphic violence and disturbing images.

EP016: Seamstress


By Sarah Prineas.
Read by Deborah Green.

So, the Godmother. She takes ragged, smudged things and turns them
into beautiful Princesses. Why, I don’t know. A hobby? A calling?
An obsession? Is she righting the wrongs done to her when she was
young?

When I first started here, I had a fantasy. That the Godmother would
pluck me out of the row of humpbacked, squinting Seamstresses and make
me, too, a beautiful Princess. With a gown sewn by…well, by the
poor wenches too old or ugly to catch the Godmother’s eye.

Rated PG. Contains sexual situations and, unrelated, the loss of innocence.

EP015: Hell Notes


By M.K. Hobson
Read by Stephen Eley.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so I suppose it’s no wonder that the twice-cooked pork the beautiful chef placed in that depressing buffet line kicked me in the mouth like a South American soccer superstar with bad aim. There was never twice-cooked pork like the twice-cooked pork I tasted that snowy day at the Cheerful Panda.

Rated PG. Contains graphic food-based sensuality and soulless marketing.

EP014: Tis the Season


By K.D. Wentworth
Read by Jonathon Sullivan.

It was Christmas Eve and that nasty, strung-out feeling of
anticipation clotted the air like a cheap deodorizer. I hate
Christmas the most–all that insincere, pious yap about “peace on
earth, goodwill towards men.” I was cruising down the
expressway, on my way back from dismantling an illegal manger
scene someone had erected at the river park, keeping an eye out
for graffiti, you know–“Where will _you_ spend eternity?” or
“Buddha lives!”–that kind of crap, spray-painted on underpasses
right where impressionable schoolchildren could see it. The last
rays of the setting sun were painting the highway a faint rose
when I spotted a broken-down van with the metal outline of a
stylized fish just above the back bumper. The short hairs
crawled up the back of my neck. Them fish guys have been some of
my worst busts.

Rated R. Contains strong religious themes, graphic violence, and aggressive Zen.