Archive for Podcasts

EP018: Some Girlfriends Can


By Stephanie Burgis.
Read by Swoopy (of Skepticality).

“Too bad it’s raining. Hey, Lauren, make the rain
stop, okay?” He reaches across the table and tousles
my hair affectionately.

I bare my teeth in the semblance of a grin. “Ha ha.
Sorry, I can’t.”

“I know.” He shakes his head, laughs ruefully. “It’s
just . . . Maya could.”

Rated PG. Contains explicit cattiness and violent self-reflection.

EP017: The Life and Times of Penguin


By Eugie Foster.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of Geek Fu Action Grip).


Penguin listened raptly to the new voice. He knew this was his guardian
angel, she who would guard and protect him forever. Sure enough, the
Creator set him gently into his angel’s hand. Her hands, much smaller than
the Creator’s–which was fitting since who among the angels had such power
as the Creator?–were a bit sticky. He squealed as she held him aloft to
receive the glorious light.

“Look, Daddy! It’s a peng’n!”

“Yes it is, Angie. It’s a very nice penguin. Did you thank the nice man
for the balloon?”

Rated PG. Contains explicit existentialism and violence of the soul. (The intro contains minor profanity and frank discussions of current events, and is likely to be more offensive than the story.)

EP Flash: Pennywhistle


By Greg van Eekhout.
Read by Anna Eley.

“Piper,” I screamed, fumbling in my purse. Too late. He brought his pipe to his lips and blew a note that almost made my eyeglasses shatter. Over at the sandbox, Nathan rose to his feet. He started moving towards the man. All the children did.

Rated R. Contains graphic violence and disturbing images.

EP016: Seamstress


By Sarah Prineas.
Read by Deborah Green.

So, the Godmother. She takes ragged, smudged things and turns them
into beautiful Princesses. Why, I don’t know. A hobby? A calling?
An obsession? Is she righting the wrongs done to her when she was
young?

When I first started here, I had a fantasy. That the Godmother would
pluck me out of the row of humpbacked, squinting Seamstresses and make
me, too, a beautiful Princess. With a gown sewn by…well, by the
poor wenches too old or ugly to catch the Godmother’s eye.

Rated PG. Contains sexual situations and, unrelated, the loss of innocence.

EP015: Hell Notes


By M.K. Hobson
Read by Stephen Eley.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so I suppose it’s no wonder that the twice-cooked pork the beautiful chef placed in that depressing buffet line kicked me in the mouth like a South American soccer superstar with bad aim. There was never twice-cooked pork like the twice-cooked pork I tasted that snowy day at the Cheerful Panda.

Rated PG. Contains graphic food-based sensuality and soulless marketing.

EP014: Tis the Season


By K.D. Wentworth
Read by Jonathon Sullivan.

It was Christmas Eve and that nasty, strung-out feeling of
anticipation clotted the air like a cheap deodorizer. I hate
Christmas the most–all that insincere, pious yap about “peace on
earth, goodwill towards men.” I was cruising down the
expressway, on my way back from dismantling an illegal manger
scene someone had erected at the river park, keeping an eye out
for graffiti, you know–“Where will _you_ spend eternity?” or
“Buddha lives!”–that kind of crap, spray-painted on underpasses
right where impressionable schoolchildren could see it. The last
rays of the setting sun were painting the highway a faint rose
when I spotted a broken-down van with the metal outline of a
stylized fish just above the back bumper. The short hairs
crawled up the back of my neck. Them fish guys have been some of
my worst busts.

Rated R. Contains strong religious themes, graphic violence, and aggressive Zen.

EP013: The Once and Future Dentist


By D. Richard Pearce.
Read by Stephen Eley.

“‘He was the most skillful gambler, and the nerviest, fastest, deadliest man with a six-gun I ever saw.’ Do you know who said that, Doctor?”

He coughed politely and sat in a nearby chair. “Begging your pardon, ma’am, I’d be more interested in who they were talking about.”

She laughed softly, and seemed to turn her attention to him fully for the first time. “Wyatt Earp said those words about you, Doctor. At your funeral, I suspect, though I don’t know for sure.”

Rated PG. Contains violence, alcohol, and gratuitous time travel.

EP Flash: Friday Night Gods


By Josh Rountree.
Read by Stephen Eley.

Brodie approached the line of scrimmage and both sides
of the field erupted. The red-robed fans in the
visitor’s stands surged like a crimson wave, swaying
in unison as they began the Rite of Interception.
They stamped their feet against the aluminum
bleachers, chanting as they drew gleaming blades
across the bellies of countless doomed rattlesnakes.
Their blood spilled, the snakes were then hurled onto
the field. The rain of reptiles sounded like bacon
burning in a skillet as the animals protested their
own sacrifice.