Archive for Podcasts

EP Flash: Paul Bunyan and the Photocopier


By Larry Hammer.
Read by Michael R. Mennenga (of The Dragon Page).

Well, the time came Paul Bunyan had a pretty successful thing going with his lumber business. Fact is, the first year his company went public, the stock price doubled, and it went up fifty percent each of the three years after that. Mind you, this made Paul a target for corporate raiders. Why, the battle he had with Bluebeard is a yarn and a half–but that’s another tale. _This_ is the story of what happened when Paul Bunyan’s secretary went on vacation.

Rated G. Objects in story may be larger than they appear.

EP059: Anyone Can Whistle


(Technical Note: Argh. I got feedback today that the iTunes feed was grabbing the wrong file — and sure enough, it was. It worked fine when I tested it, but Feedburner must have changed something at some later point. I’m sorry for the confusion two weeks in a row, and my apologies if you get this story twice.)

By David Walton.
Read by J.R. Blackwell (of 365 Tomorrows and Voices of Tomorrow).

In the center of the room, on a platform, was our Dokja–not the humanoid body she took in VR, but a blue mass of flesh with dry fish-like skin that pulsated as she breathed. She had no definitive shape, no arms or legs or tentacles, or even a face. Her only prominent feature was a taut membrane stretched tightly over an opening at the top of her body. One section of that membrane was covered over with an elaborate breathing apparatus, and the familiar array of VR electrodes were attached to what must have been her central nervous system.

I felt ill just looking at her. But I knew therapy would readjust my feelings.

Rated PG. Contains innuendo and some violence.

Referenced sites:
Guild Wars
John W. Campbell Award
Chronigma (David Walton’s puzzles)
2006 Podcast Awards

EP058: Shadowboxer


(Technical Note: To everyone who caught the incomplete file this morning — my deep apologies. The upload got cut off and I failed to test properly. Here’s the full version.)

By Paul Di Filippo.
Read by Scott Fletcher (of Podcheck Review).
Musical guest: Andy Guthrie.

Generally speaking, I need only three minutes of concentrated attention to kill someone by staring at them. If I’m feeling under the weather, or my mind is preoccupied with other matters–you know how your mind can obsess about trivial things sometimes–it might take five minutes for my power to have its effect. On the other hand, if I focus intensely on my victim I can get the job done in as little as ninety seconds.

…Now the nation is at war. Or so we’re told. I guess that changes everything. A person like me becomes much more important.

Rated R. Contains violence, some sexual content, and disturbing themes.

Referenced sites:
Podsafe Music Network

EP057: Chuckles Mulrooney, Attorney for the Damned


By Scott Sigler.
Read by Preston Buttons (of Air Out My Shorts).

After a decade of ceaseless writing struggle, Satan had come to him in ‚Äì of all places ‚Äì the soup aisle at Meijer’s grocery store. There was no fire and brimstone, no tail, no horns, not even that cool hipster pointy goatee the devil always sported in the movies. He was actually kind of fat, and wore a three-piece suit with Gucci shoes. He didn’t look at all like Satan — he looked more like Dom Delouise posing as a lawyer.

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, clowns, and violence against profane clowns.

Referenced sites:
Infection – A Podcast Novel
2006 Hugo Ballot

EP056: The Clockwork Atom Bomb


By Dominic Green.
Read by Dr. Jonathon Sullivan.

The wind in here was deafening. The girl had to shout. “THERE IS MORE THAN ONE IN HERE. THEY LIVE IN THE MACHINES. THE GOVERNMENT MADE THE MACHINES, BUT NOT WITH TECHNICIANS AND ELECTRICIANS. WITH SORCERY.”

The machines did not look made by sorcery. They were entirely silent, looking like rows of gigantic, rusted steel chess pawns twice the height of a man, with no pipes or wires entering or leaving them, apparently sitting here unused for any purpose. Mativi felt an urgent, entirely rational need to be in an another line of employment.

Rated R. Contains profanity and some violence.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
The Balticon Podcast
Michael & Evo’s Slice of SciFi
Rock & Roll Monster Bash

EP055: Down Memory Lane


By Mike Resnick.
Read by Alex Wilson (of Telltale Weekly).
Discuss on our forums.
All stories by Mike Resnick.
All stories read by Alex Wilson.

I don’t know where I was when Kennedy was shot. I don’t know what I was doing when the World Trade Center collapsed under the onslaught of two jetliners. But I remember every single detail, every minute, every second, of the day we got the bad news.

“It may not be Alzheimer’s,” said Dr. Castleman. “Alzheimer’s is becoming a catchword for a variety of senile dementias. Eventually we’ll find out exactly which dementia it is, but there’s no question that Gwendolyn is suffering from one of them.”

Rated G.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
World Science Fiction Convention
L.A.Con IV
TellTale Weekly — Clarion Foundation Fundraiser
Hooting Yard Benevolent Fund for Distressed Out of Print Pamphleteers

EP054: Tk’tk’tk


By David D. Levine.
Read by Paul Tevis (of Have Games Will Travel).

Shkthh pth kstphst, the shopkeeper said, and Walker’s hypno-implanted vocabulary provided a translation: “What a delightful object.” Chitinous fingers picked up the recorder, scrabbling against the aluminum case with a sound that Walker found deeply disturbing. “What does it do?”

It took him a moment to formulate a reply. Even with hypno, Thfshpfth was a formidably complex language. “It listens and repeats,” he said. “You talk all day, it remembers all. Earth technology. Nothing like it for light-years.” The word for “light-year” was hkshkhthskht, difficult to pronounce. He hoped he’d gotten it right.

Rated PG. Contains scatology and crimes against pronunciation.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
Shelley the Republican
CAP Alert System
Bento Fanzine
National PTA
Rescuing Recess

EP053: Seventy-Five Years


By Michael A. Burstein.
Read by Deborah Green.

Isabel turned the handheld on and read to herself briefly. “According to this, your bill would push the date of release of the individual Census forms from seventy-two to seventy- five years.”

“It makes sense, Isabel.”

“It does?”

He pointed to her handheld. “You say you have my argument in there.”

“I do. And I find it specious.”

Rated G. Contains politics and reference to moral issues. (Your kids may not get it, but it shouldn’t offend.)

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
Wikipedia on the Hugo Award
Hugo History at a Glance
Novel Nominees – Electronic Editions
Rock ‘N’ Roll Monster Bash 2006

EP Metacast #2


The second “state of the podcast” address, in which we discuss:

  • Why it’s been too long
  • Steve’s new day job
  • EP publicity and audience growth
  • Current finances
  • Future goals for 2007
  • Marketing plans & conventions
  • Why EP is not going non-profit
  • New company name: Escape Artists, Inc.
  • Different ways to raise funds in the future
  • Why we’ve turned down advertising (and what we might accept)
  • No pay-for-content models, ever
  • Please tell us what you think!

And our bonus flash story:

EPn+1
By Rob Graber.
(Read by Stephen Eley.)

Thanks for a great year, everyone! This coming year will be bigger and better. Nothing can stop us now!

(Well, okay. Giant monsters could. That’s why we got them on our side.)

EP052: Single White Farmhouse


By Heather Shaw.
Read by The Word Whore.
Discuss on our forums.
All stories by Heather Shaw
All stories read by The Word Whore

The house consented to the wiring, and as soon as it was done she explored it carefully, like you or I would poke at a new tooth filling. Wasn’t long before any unused terminal would be flashing from her zooms around the internet. New bookmarks were always appearing in the browser files — architecture sites, construction sites, even some redecorating, _Better Homes and Gardens_-type sites were piling up in the history. Dad was disgusted by this — called it “house porn,” which made me and my brother giggle.

Rated R. Contains strong language and home… Oh, erotica.

Referenced sites:
EP on LiveJournal
EP on MySpace
2006 Hugo Nominees
Balticon
Escape Pod Classic