Archive for Podcasts

EP062: Union Dues – The Baby and the Bathwater


By Jeffrey R. DeRego.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of I Should Be Writing and Geek Fu Action Grip)
All stories by Jeffrey R. DeRego

It’s never really dawned on me that the brochures manage to beautifully portray events and activities I’ve never seen as long as I’ve worn the tights and mask. The brochures don’t show the InterCity cops taking pot-shots at our Jump Jets, they don’t show the protestors outside a school when Landaar makes and appearance, or the new recruits worked to the physical breaking point for a year before they are even allowed third string uniform status, they don’t show how we didn’t put out the fire or didn’t rescue the family.

But since when has a marketing campaign ever focused on truth and reality?

Rated R. Contains profanity and… Well, profanity.

Referenced sites:
Union Dues – Iron Bars and the Glass Jaw
Union Dues – Off White Lies
Pseudopod Submission Guidelines

EP061: I Look Forward To Remembering You


By Mur Lafferty.
Read by Daisy Ottmann, Anna Eley, and Stephen Eley.

She smiled at last and gave a satisfied little sigh. He was just as she’d ordered. Without raising her eyes to his face, she asked, “So when do we begin?”

“We just have some paperwork to go over,” he said. He bent over to pick up his bathrobe and Susan stared as his muscles flexed. Kevin slipped the robe on with the slow grace of someone who was unashamed of his nakedness. “Once we take care of that, I’ll go back to headquarters and take my trip back to 1992, find your younger self, and seduce her.”

Rated R. Contains profanity, sexual content, and nonlinear temporal prostitution.

Referenced sites:
David Drake: Obituary of Jim Baen
John Ringo: Letter to Jim Baen
Baen Free Library
Baen Webscriptions
The World Turned Upside Down
Not Done Living

EP Flash: Stuck In An Elevator With Mandy Patinkin


By Kitty Myers.
Read by Mur Lafferty (of Geek Fu Action Grip).

“Aren’t you Rube, the Grim Reaper in Dead Like Me?”

As he turned to look at me, an expression of amusement spread over his face like a wave of sunshine over a cloudy field. “I’m not a grim reaper in real life,” he mimicked, “but I do play one on TV!”

Rated PG. Contains references to drugs, claustrophobia, and canceled Showtime programming.

EP060: Creature For Hire


By Paul E. Martens.
Read by Mark Forman (of Getting A Leg Up and The Ex-Wife files).

“But, Morty, I’m an alien. Christ, I’m The Alien, the only one on the whole damned planet.
There’s got to be something.” It occurred to me that my apartment was too big. It seemed to be
getting bigger every day. And when I considered the rent
vis a vis my bank account balance, the
place was huge.

“The novelty’s worn off, kiddo. I’m surprised it lasted for four movies. And that last one
didn’t really count, just a walk-on in a dream sequence. The point is, people aren’t going to keep
paying to see something they’ve already seen, even if he is an alien. I mean, it’s not like you do
anything. You’re just there, you know?”

Rated PG. Contains minor innuendo, minor swearing, and some grotesque imagery. No livestock were harmed in the making of this podcast.

EP Flash: Paul Bunyan and the Photocopier


By Larry Hammer.
Read by Michael R. Mennenga (of The Dragon Page).

Well, the time came Paul Bunyan had a pretty successful thing going with his lumber business. Fact is, the first year his company went public, the stock price doubled, and it went up fifty percent each of the three years after that. Mind you, this made Paul a target for corporate raiders. Why, the battle he had with Bluebeard is a yarn and a half–but that’s another tale. _This_ is the story of what happened when Paul Bunyan’s secretary went on vacation.

Rated G. Objects in story may be larger than they appear.

EP059: Anyone Can Whistle


(Technical Note: Argh. I got feedback today that the iTunes feed was grabbing the wrong file — and sure enough, it was. It worked fine when I tested it, but Feedburner must have changed something at some later point. I’m sorry for the confusion two weeks in a row, and my apologies if you get this story twice.)

By David Walton.
Read by J.R. Blackwell (of 365 Tomorrows and Voices of Tomorrow).

In the center of the room, on a platform, was our Dokja–not the humanoid body she took in VR, but a blue mass of flesh with dry fish-like skin that pulsated as she breathed. She had no definitive shape, no arms or legs or tentacles, or even a face. Her only prominent feature was a taut membrane stretched tightly over an opening at the top of her body. One section of that membrane was covered over with an elaborate breathing apparatus, and the familiar array of VR electrodes were attached to what must have been her central nervous system.

I felt ill just looking at her. But I knew therapy would readjust my feelings.

Rated PG. Contains innuendo and some violence.

Referenced sites:
Guild Wars
John W. Campbell Award
Chronigma (David Walton’s puzzles)
2006 Podcast Awards

EP058: Shadowboxer


(Technical Note: To everyone who caught the incomplete file this morning — my deep apologies. The upload got cut off and I failed to test properly. Here’s the full version.)

By Paul Di Filippo.
Read by Scott Fletcher (of Podcheck Review).
Musical guest: Andy Guthrie.

Generally speaking, I need only three minutes of concentrated attention to kill someone by staring at them. If I’m feeling under the weather, or my mind is preoccupied with other matters–you know how your mind can obsess about trivial things sometimes–it might take five minutes for my power to have its effect. On the other hand, if I focus intensely on my victim I can get the job done in as little as ninety seconds.

…Now the nation is at war. Or so we’re told. I guess that changes everything. A person like me becomes much more important.

Rated R. Contains violence, some sexual content, and disturbing themes.

Referenced sites:
Podsafe Music Network

EP057: Chuckles Mulrooney, Attorney for the Damned


By Scott Sigler.
Read by Preston Buttons (of Air Out My Shorts).

After a decade of ceaseless writing struggle, Satan had come to him in ‚Äì of all places ‚Äì the soup aisle at Meijer’s grocery store. There was no fire and brimstone, no tail, no horns, not even that cool hipster pointy goatee the devil always sported in the movies. He was actually kind of fat, and wore a three-piece suit with Gucci shoes. He didn’t look at all like Satan — he looked more like Dom Delouise posing as a lawyer.

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, clowns, and violence against profane clowns.

Referenced sites:
Infection – A Podcast Novel
2006 Hugo Ballot

EP056: The Clockwork Atom Bomb


By Dominic Green.
Read by Dr. Jonathon Sullivan.

The wind in here was deafening. The girl had to shout. “THERE IS MORE THAN ONE IN HERE. THEY LIVE IN THE MACHINES. THE GOVERNMENT MADE THE MACHINES, BUT NOT WITH TECHNICIANS AND ELECTRICIANS. WITH SORCERY.”

The machines did not look made by sorcery. They were entirely silent, looking like rows of gigantic, rusted steel chess pawns twice the height of a man, with no pipes or wires entering or leaving them, apparently sitting here unused for any purpose. Mativi felt an urgent, entirely rational need to be in an another line of employment.

Rated R. Contains profanity and some violence.

Referenced sites:
2006 Hugo Nominees
The Balticon Podcast
Michael & Evo’s Slice of SciFi
Rock & Roll Monster Bash