Archive for Podcasts

EP Flash: The Team-Mate Reference Problem in Final-Stage Demon Confrontation


By Constance Cooper.
Read by Frank Key (of Hooting Yard On The Air).

Colleagues, ours is a uniquely demanding profession. In no other job do you endanger your coworker’s soul if you call out to him in the course of your duties. But since a demon has power over you once it knows your name, well-meant warnings such as “Buck! Behind you!” can have tragic consequences.

Rated G. Important safety tip. (Thanks, Egon.)

EP039: My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie


By Eugie Foster.
Read by the Word Whore (of Air Out My Shorts).

I don’t know how it happened. I’m the last person I’d go to if I were a
zombie; I’m not into the occult thing at all. But I was the only friend
Mandy had in this city, so she came to me with her sob story. Lucky me. So
there she was, kicked back in my bed, having herself a good, long cry and I
was stuck with her, wondering how long until she began stinking. That was
really unfair of me, I know, but there was a goddamn walking, talking corpse
snuggled up in my good sheets and I was a little concerned about it.

Rated X. Contains profanity, sexual situations, and the undead, in various combinations.

Referenced sites:
The Sci Phi Show
Tangent Short Fiction Review
The Town Drunk
Radio A.D.D.

EP038: L’Alchimista


By N.K. Jemisin.
Read by Paul Tevis (of Have Games, Will Travel).
Discuss on our forums.
Guest host: Salim Fadhley.
All stories by N.K. Jemisin.
All stories read by Paul Tevis.

She did not particularly care whether he paid; it wasn’t her inn. But
at his words she lifted an eyebrow. “What sort of challenge?”

“A very special one.” He slipped a hand into his coat like an
old-fashioned pistolero, but before Franca could worry he pulled out a
bulging sack made of what looked like deerhide. He set this on the table — carefully, Franca noted.

“You are willing to follow a recipe? So many chefs of your caliber
think themselves above the direction of others.”

She lifted her chin. “I was head chef for Parliament once — before
that bastard Berlusconi, anyhow. While I was there I had to make Florentine
dishes like a Florentine and Venetian dishes like a Venetian and the Madonna
help me if I did them wrong. If the recipe is sound, I can follow it.”

Rated G. Warning: Food descriptions may be intoxicating. Do not listen before grocery shopping.

Referenced sites:
Resonance FM
The Exciting Hellebore Shew

EP Flash: Hibernation


By Madge E. Miller.
Read by Stephen Eley.

Two Alaskan Kodiak bears joined a small circus where the pair
appeared nightly in a parade, pulling a covered wagon. The fact that they
had joined the circus was not so strange; the circus life was very popular
even for the better class of bear. The strange thing was that they were
both primitive mutes. This alone elevated or, in the opinion of some bears
still angry about the Great Russian Dancing Bear Revolt of ’06, lowered them
to the level of freak show attraction.

Rated G. Contains non-graphic ursine violence.

EP037: Craphound


By Cory Doctorow.
Read by Jesse Thorn (of The Sound of Young America).

Craphound beat me out the door, as usual. His exoskeleton is programmable, so he
can record little scripts for it like: move left arm to door handle, pop it,
swing legs out to running-board, jump to ground, close door, move forward.
Meanwhile, I’m still making sure I’ve switched off the headlights and that I’ve
got my wallet.

Rated PG. Contains some profanity. That’s it, really.

Referenced sites:
Mostly News
Escape Pod Submission Guidelines

EP036: Connie, Maybe


By Paul E. Martens.
Read by Wichita Rutherford (of 5 Minutes With Wichita).

Conrad McManus claimed he was kidnaped by aliens and replaced by an
exact duplicate of himself.

But, Connie, we said, that doesn’t make sense. If you were a duplicate
you wouldn’t say a thing like that.

Connie shook his head. “The aliens destroyed my body while they were
doing their tests and experiments and what not and they had to make a new
one so no one would know about them.”

So they destroyed everything, we asked, except your brain?

“No,” he said. “They destroyed my brain, too.”

Rated G. Contains alien abduction, brainwashing, and conspiracy. Unless it doesn’t.

Referenced sites:
Snakes on a Plane
Something From the Nightside by Simon Green

EP035: Hero


By Scott Sigler.
Read by Stephen Eley.

There is no defense against a perfect weapon.

The perfect weapon is cunning, calculating and ruthless.

I am all of these things.

There is no defense against me.

The words would die with him, for he was the last. Five centuries of
tradition would fade from existence, probably as soon as he killed
Timmerman. But that didn’t matter, not as long as Timmerman died this day.
Poetic justice is all the more eloquent with your enemy’s brains cooked a
crispy-brown.

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, and poor life priorities.

Referenced sites:
SciFiction
PodcasterCon
Escape Pod CD Offer

EP034: Free Will, Baby


By Janni Lee Simner.
Read by Swoopy (of Skepticality).

“Hello, this is Kara Donnelly, with Lucifer Enterprises. Whom am I–“

“Yeah,” the man said, as if he’d been expecting her. “My wife just left me. When she takes me to court next month, I want everything she’s got.”

“Well, I’m certain we can arrange that.” Kara smiled. She’d heard somewhere that if you smiled, your voice sounded more pleasant over the phone. “If I could just get some information, I’ll have one of our representatives call back to arrange a
meeting.”

Rated PG. Contains supernatural violence, sexual harassment, and telemarketers from Hell. (Not a redundancy.)

Referenced sites:
PodcasterCon
Escape Pod CD Offer

EP Flash: Night Off


By Jason Erik Lundberg.
Read by Stephen Eley.

The fat man coughed again and rolled over onto his side. He wheezed and his
lungs rattled. A few thousand years of being overweight had caused
innumerable cardiac and respiratory problems, but the job demanded it.

“Who can you think of to cover you?”

The fat man pondered for a moment, then said, “Lo ho ho?”

His wife frowned. “You know Loki would just cause a mess, and probably light
some children on fire. Who else?”

Rated R. Contains profanity and some disturbing imagery.

(Note: Mr. Lundberg has directed that his payment for this story be directed toward Heifer International, providing impoverished people with animals and other resources to become economically self-sustaining.)