Archive for For Kids

EP019: Implications


By James C. Bassett.
Read by Stephen Eley.

“Yes, obviously. But its judgement is rather lacking, wouldn’t you
say? Trying to translocate itself to the Ancestors’ Earth on a whim?
For that matter, Instructor, I might also question your own judgement.
Imagine, teaching macrolevel effects as an introduction to subquantum
nonlocality!”

Arcaprun jumped up and ran to its Instructor’s defence. “Aw, Prundis,
you know it wasn’t Grap’s fault. It was just a little accident.”

“_Just_ an accident?” Prundis countered drily. “You neglected to
factor in lightspeed lag when making observations to determine
coordinates and lost yourself halfway across the universe! It took me
three weeks to locate you! I was worried sick, Arc.”

Rated G. Suitable for macrolevel quantum explicate children of all ages.

Referenced podcasts:
Skepticality
Hooting Yard
Epistaxis Time

EP012: Clean Up Your Room!


By Laura Anne Gilman.
Read by Mur Lafferty.
All stories by Laura Anne Gilman
All stories read by Mur Lafferty

“Jessy, put that away and come eat breakfast. You won’t get anything useful done on an empty stomach.” The voice was the usual gender-neutral computer-generated drone, and yet it sounded different to her this morning. Obviously, the tone modifiers Gregory had suggested were working, too. That was going to be a selling point for everyone yelping about the dehumanization of home life. In a few generations, they’d be able to personalize the voice, maybe even to customer order.

Rated G. Contains intense maternal nagging and disturbing chorework. May not be suitable for some adults.

EP011: Herd Mentality


By Jay Caselberg.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Jay Caselberg
All stories read by Stephen Eley

Einstein was getting old now. All of them. Not so old that he was past it, but you had to wonder. When our troops liberated the Spemann Lab complex in 1945, the Einsteins had been just five years old. The Government had done the humanitarian thing and brought them back home. Eventually, someone had leaked the information and slowly, slowly, public pressure and outrage had grown. The big hush-hush operation our government had mounted was shut down and the Einsteins were released – or rather, they were integrated into society in a humanitarian manner. That was the wording the government press releases used. Two hundred and fifty is a lot of Einsteins.

Rated G. Suitable for world-dominating clone armies of all ages.

EP Flash: Paradox


By Scott Janssens.
Read by Paul S. Jenkins (of Rev Up Review).
All stories by Scott Janssens
All stories read by Paul S. Jenkins.

I saw nothing when I looked through the eyepiece Franz handed me and told
him so.

“Of course not,” said Franz. “Right now, the time sight is set to look into
the future. From this point in time, the future doesn’t exist yet, not in
any meaningful way, so it can’t be seen.”

EP Flash: Slicing


By Greg van Eekhout.
Read by Stephen Eley.
All stories by Greg van Eekhout
All stories read by Stephen Eley.

The fact is, almost any new knife can cut through an aluminum can and then slice a tomato with equal ease. Don’t believe me, buy a new cheap knife and try it yourself. The pitch man hacks through a tree branch. He cuts a radiator hose. And this ho-hum humbug works. If he hammered a nail with his shoe people would buy nine pair, as long as they came with a free shoehorn and an extra pair of laces.

EP009: Jack


By Justin Stanchfield.
Read by Deborah Green.
All stories by Justin Stanchfield
All stories read by Deborah Green.

“That truly is a fine heifer, and any man would be proud to own her.”

“Well…” said Jack, hope rising. “I suppose she might be for sale, if that is your meaning.”

“It is.” The stranger dug inside the pocket of his slick and shiny coat, and brought out a small lead case. The lid clicked open and he turned in over in his hand, three shimmering beads rolling in his palm. He offered them to Jack.

“What are those?” Jack frowned, suspicious once more.

“What are they? They might be beans.” The stranger laughed. “Then again, they might be more precious than rubies, mightn’t they? Truth of the matter, I’m not certain what they are, only that they are beyond any worth you can imagine.”

Rated G. Contains cattle theft, kidnapping, and crimes against fashion.