Recorded at Balticon 43, May 23, 2009
Brenda the Barkeep – Dee Reed (of Nobilis Erotica),
Wendy the Rat – Laura Burns,
Art the Boy Toy – John Cmar,
Narrator – Stephen Eley
By Charles Stross
“Buggerit, I don’t have time for this,” Joe muttered. The stable waiting for the small herd of cloned spidercows cluttering up the north paddock was still knee-deep in manure, and the tractor seat wasn’t getting any warmer while he shivered out here waiting for Maddie to come and sort this thing out. It wasn’t a big herd, but it was as big as his land and his labour could manage – the big biofabricator in the shed could assemble mammalian livestock faster than he could feed them up and sell them with an honest HAND-RAISED NOT VAT-GROWN label.
“What do you want with us?” he yelled up at the gently buzzing farm.
“Brains, fresh brains for baby Jesus,” crooned the farm in a warm contralto, startling Joe half out of his skin. “Buy my brains!” Half a dozen disturbing cauliflower shapes poked suggestively out of the farms’ back then retracted again, coyly.
“Don’t want no brains around here,” Joe said stubbornly, his fingers whitening on the stock of the shotgun. “Don’t want your kind round here, neither. Go away.”
About the Author
Charles Stross, 54, is a full-time science fiction writer and resident of Edinburgh, Scotland. The author of six Hugo-nominated novels and winner of the 2005, 2010, and 2014 Hugo awards for best novella, he has won numerous other awards and been translated into at least 12 other languages.
About the Narrators
Earl Newton has won multiple awards for writing and directing. He was also rejected from film school three times. He is not sure which fact gives him more delight at present.
When not scheming about all Things Stranger, Earl Newton works as a director and editor for other people. He also blogs at his website (EarlNewton.com) about creativity, the film business, and the rare chances when those two meet.
Laura Burns is a person who exists.
Travis Unwin, known professionally as Evo Terra, is an American podcaster, author, radio broadcaster, and businessman based in Bangkok, Thailand. Terra is the author of Podcasting For Dummies, originator of The Beer Diet, a travel blogger, and an early pioneer in podcasting.
Jadzia Axelrod (also known as Jared Axelrod) is an author, an illustrator, and a world changer. Through out her eventful life she has also been a circus performer, a puppeteer, a graphic designer, a sculptor, a costume designer, a podcaster and quite a few other things that she’s lost track of but will no doubt remember when the situation calls for it. But that “writer” business, that seems to be one she keeps coming back to.
John Cmar is an infectious diseases physician in Baltimore who splits his time between treating horrors such as syphilis, and molding the next generation of doctors, while repeatedly washing his hands in between. When not herding his five cats or going fanboy over the space endeavors of his wife Moon Ranger Laura, John infectious various podcast and radio projects with his voice. He is the Chief Medical Officer and Bad Doctor in Residence at his personal blog, Saint Nickanuck.
Jared Axelrod is an award-winning author, illustrator, podcaster and LGBTQIA advocate. Her graphic novel, “The Battle Of Blood & Ink,” illustrated by Steve Walker and published by Tor, garnered her a Philly Geek Award for Best Comic Creator. A podcasting pioneer, Axelrod’s long-running audio drama “The Voice of Free Planet X,” won a Parsec Award for Best Speculative Short Story, for the episode “Oddfellows Local, about a group of queer self-styled superheroes who save the world. An accomplished public speaker, Axelrod has given lectures for universities and libraries about the importance of LGBTQIA representation in literature and comics. She is currently writing and drawing the critically-acclaimed webcomic “Frankenstein’s Support Group For Misunderstood Monsters” for Quirk Books.