EP 203: The Legend of St. Ignatz

By Samantha Henderson
Read by Ray Sizemore (of X-Ray Visions).
Intro by Norm Sherman of Drabblecast.
Closing song, Jesus Clones

First appeared in Ideomancer

“You’re a disgrace to your calling and your species.” The Cardinal’s words were at odds with the verging-on-seductive voice of the translator embedded in the Anturean’s Chlor-tank. From beneath lowered lashes Ignatz O’Reilly, D.D. Inter-Species, watched his superior’s mouth-tendrils vibrate, a gesture he knew denoted extreme lust or mounting rage.

Lust was out of the question, he supposed.

“Falling-down drunk at Mass. Passing out in Confession. And don’t think your little black-market dealings go unnoticed.” The Cardinal’s posterior spines flushed blue. Ignatz averted his eyes even further, studying the faint brown lines crisscrossing each other on a slate floor the color of dried blood. The mutant squid bastard really was mad this time.

“If I might be permitted to explain, Your Eminence…” Ignatz’s tongue tasted like last night’s liquor. “I indulge for purely medicinal reasons…a slight asthmatic condition…any allegations that I would engage in illegal…”

Rated R for religious themes, carousing, and transubstantiaton of a different sort.

Comments (17)

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  1. MasterThief says:

    This was both very funny and very thought-provoking. I especially like the development of the Triclac, and the truth about them. Ignatz was a very sympathetic character; he reminds me of the Priest in Graham Greene’s The Power and the Glory; when he did the reading near the end I knew what was going to happen.

    Being Catholic just gave me all the more appreciation for how “tall-tale” some saints’ legends can be. The Cardinal’s words at the end have probably been spoken many times. 😉 (And there’s something funny about the idea of making a giant fish a “Prince of the Church.”)

  2. David Perch says:

    When is Escape Pod going to put up or shut up when it comes to this epic reading of some famous author’s work?

  3. David,

    When the lawyers and agents get done doing whatever it is they do.

  4. phignewton says:

    huzzah! a happy ending!

  5. J says:

    Great story, glad that SOA got what was coming to him. Good to see aliens on EP again, and Norm (not sure they are exclusive). Jesus Clones rocked my socks. I’m getting to be a fan of Samantha Henderson too.

  6. Ken_K says:

    Irony and transcendence are two of my favorite themes in sci-fi. Bravo to EP for a great story well-read.

  7. scatterbrain says:

    A good premise, but it fell flat for me.

    Oh yeah, and where’s EP200 for Christ’s sake!? Is it really that good?!

  8. maxiewawa says:

    Great! Loved the song at the end too.

  9. Tkann says:

    This was deff worth listaning to! I really enjoyed it!

  10. Brave Space Monkey says:

    The Brave Space Monkey has been trained to poop in the bad and seal it up once he’s done. Know he knows why…

    Good story. great world building.

  11. Brave Space Monkey says:

    bad = bag. BSM hasn’t been trained to type. 🙂

  12. Jennifer says:

    David Perch: heh. I honestly don’t even care any more about episode 200. I’d rather hear new stuff anyway.

  13. LeGimpe says:

    Yep, very Graham Greene (one of my favorites) in space. Cynically Jesuitical.

  14. Natasha says:

    Great story! I liked the premise, the characters, and was very satisfied with the ending. Funny and dramatic, this story is one I’ll recommend.

  15. Roccofan says:

    Great story.

  16. morganlean says:

    I thought this story was fantastic, I enjoyed it completely. More of this stuff!

  17. m says:

    Good story, but the comment at the end was offensive. “Missionary work is hard, but it gives remote tribes their first taste of religion, especially if they are cannibal tribes.”

    It may seem cute, but you’re playing with really toxic stereotypes there…