EP119: Aliens Want Our Women

Ramona Louise Wheeler
Read by Leann Mabry (of Tag in the Seam).

He was a widower, weary of too many years of loneliness. He had decided to travel to someplace distant and exotic, in hopes of finding as a companion someone completely different from his lost love. He had chosen Earth for its very remoteness.

“I want to marry the most wonderful woman on Earth,” he said.

Every female on the planet had just acquired a brand new agenda in life.

Rated G. Contains gender role stereotyping, but no strong sex, language or violence. Sorry.

Blog of the Week:
The Evil Eyebrow
(receives The John W. Campbell Letters, Vol. 1)

Referenced Sites:
Polyamory Weekly
The DrabbleCast

Comments (25)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. RR Anderson says:

    Nicely read story… though how come whenever a lady writes about “the perfect man” he always is a sissy and says condescending things like “my dear” instead of da ladies name yo?

  2. Betty says:

    Is the link to the download broken, or is there just something screwy going on on my end?

  3. Mark says:

    The download link appears to be working for me. Though I was having problems even getting to EscapePod.org all morning long.

  4. Hatton says:

    Tried to listen / download on Friday and am getting:
    Not Found
    The requested URL /EP119_AliensWantOurWomen.mp3 was not found on this server.

    Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request

  5. automatic.badgirl says:

    I can’t play the pop-up player or download anything either.

  6. SFEley says:

    Dreamhost — my Web provider — has been having systemwide problems with domain name resolution. That’s why the site’s been unreachable for a long time and why media files still aren’t loading for some.

    I’ve switched some things around, and this problem should be fully resolved for everyone as your own Internet providers slowly update their DNS. If you can’t see things now, please keep trying. I’m very sorry about the problems, and I’ll be working to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

    At least, not with this provider.

  7. Betty says:

    It’s working for me now. Thanks, Steve!

  8. Simeon says:

    So, the moral of this story is: Men on Earth are so lame, and the alternatives of boxes of chocolate and fresh batteries so unsatisfying, that the women of Earth not lucky enough to be lesbians, are going figure out interstellar travel, just to get some better dick.


  9. Yeah, I didn’t get this one either. Steve said something in the intro about it being tongue-in-cheek, but that wasn’t really my impression. More like very mildly humorous and lacking a punchline.

    I liked Ms Mabry’s reading, though.

  10. David says:

    Well read story, but I have to agree with Simeon and Martin on this one. Tongue-in-cheek is one thing, but this story basically hinges on the little twist at the end, and it’s entirely too implausible to justify the story so far. We expect the power of “a woman scorned” to defy all modern science and propel us by leaps and bounds into the future. I just don’t see how the sci-fi medium is necessary to get the author’s view across here. The story also seems to be caught between misogyny and feminism, between empowering the women of Earth and having them fawning over one “uber-man” from beyond the stars. For a truly good piece on manipulative aliens taking advantage of Earth, try the much better and more complex “Betelgeuse Bridge”, by William Tenn.

  11. I agree–Ms. Mabry’s reading was very well done, but the story left with the overwhelming feeling that I’d just been patted on the head metaphorically.

    This kind of harkens back to early 90’s Spice Girl’s “girl power” nonsense, where women could be anything they wanted provided they were cute and boy-crazy while doing it.

    Simeon made a great point about the “search for better dick”,(he also made me snort laughter at work) this is like the Cosmo version of a science fiction story.

    Not so much with the tongue in cheek and more with the overall bad taste in the mouth over here, frankly.

  12. Gary H says:

    Good read. OK story. I’m a man, so I’m a little biased, but I think earth men are at least sufficient to breed with, thus making use more desirable than aliens.

    I also have a fabulous relationship with my wife, so think intra-species relationships is one of humankind’s defining characteristics.

  13. TZ says:

    Hated this story, but I was intrigued by the question in your intro, Steve. I have been racking my brain trying to think of sci fi stories that have good examples of functioning relationships. Came up with lots of examples of bad relationships. Robert Jordan definately won that one, with his endless fantasy series about a world where guys and girls just can’t seem to ever understand each other (LAME!)One example of well portrayed love I came up with is from escape pod, the story L’Alchemista, which was infinately more romantic and respectful than this latest post.

    Man, I love this site, but that story was a stinker.

  14. Dave (aka Nev the Deranged) says:

    Meh. This one sounded like it was written back in the days when misogyny was still an acceptable trope of science fiction, which was written almost exclusively by men. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d have thought this one was. What exactly about this demonstrated a positive relationship model? Was it the manipulations, or was it the lies? Tough call. Frankly, although I was reasonably amused by this story while listening (I’ve mentioned I’m a pretty easy mark for any story), in retrospect, it doesn’t say anything kind about men or women, or aliens for that matter. The idea that aliens desire Earth’s movies for their value as commodities was more believable than the idea that every woman on the planet would do anything, let alone fawn over some alien guy. Every woman on the planet has different tastes and desires in a mate, if they have such desires at all. Some women even prefer gasp other women! It was like a reflex for me, each time the phrase “every woman” was used, to think “what about lesbians?”, and that’s just the most obvious one.

    If I had run across this story in the old issues of Asimov’s I’ve got stacked in my bathroom, I could have forgiven it (as I have already forgiven several of the stories in them). But here on EP, it gets merely a resounding “meh”.

  15. wonkachocolatebars says:

    I agree with Gary H, we men don’t make ourselves too attracting to women and so, when something new comes along thats more appealing to them, they jump for it.

    I personally liked this story alot and I believe that even though it wasn’t as thought provoking as some others, it still was a good story.

  16. Bright Lies says:

    Long time Escape Pod listener, first time poster:

    Good story, gimme more!

    Maybe I’ll have more insightful comments for the next one.



  17. Pam says:

    I found the story amusing.

    The LUV angle was laid on so thick, though, I was sure it would turn out to be a variant on Bluebeard. Instead, it devolved into a long speculation on the role of females in galactic civilizations. I laughed at the ending.

    I had more trouble with the first half of the story. EVERY woman on Earth wants this latinesque lover? (I thought he sounded smarmy.) Married women, too? Women who live under strict patriarchies? There’s no mention of what the men think of Les. It’s all swept under the rug of space constraints.

  18. spellwight says:

    I’ve been listening for a long time and this is the first time I’ve been compelled to comment. Kind of like how every women on Earth is compelled to fall for that one guy. Yuk.

    I thought he sounded smarmy, too. There must have been a paragraph missing at the end where the female character (who didn’t even get a name) puts Les in his place and takes over his ship.

  19. CDQ says:

    Good story. And a great reader.

  20. Ferdinand says:

    What website was advertised at the end of the podcast? Something like drabbelcast? I was trying to find it but no luck.

    Could somebody provide a link please?

  21. SFEley says:

    Hi Ferdinand,

    Yes, it’s the Drabblecast, at:

    You’ll also find a link to it in the “Referenced Sites” section at the end of the show notes.

    I hope you enjoy it! I’ve been listening, and it’s a lot of fun.

  22. Wolf-in-cheep-clothing says:

    I love this podcast! When I fist read scifi some 36 years go, I started with Star Trek. Although I am not technoaly a “Treker” I have attended some cons and even was a LtCmnd abord a starship. (Not a real starship, I was a a memeber of Starfleet, the oldest trek club going sfi.org)
    I then moved on to the twilgiht zone, then Ray Bradbery. I am starting to move into the world of horror, and am working on a story of my own. I even have a few charitors though I am not serrious in anything. Three of the comic relef in the story are a set of Kitsune brothers a’ al three stooges. The story I am working on is Werewolf/CSI. What if there was a werewolf verson during a crime wave while they were hidng in plan sight? (Personal Note, I know my spelling is bad, but that is why the grate cheese god created spell checks)

  23. Kay says:

    The funniest thing about this podcast is that the story reminded me of a German song from 1981: “Fred from Jupiter”. The planet next to the space rift and the golden appearance of this women’s alien are the basic plot outline of this 16 year old new wave monstrosity as well as this episode. Fascinating!

    Witness the original at:

  24. KingNor says:

    Laputa has a pair that are instantly friends and don’t bicker.

    Amazing for fantasy/sci-fi. Even more amazing for Anime.

  25. scatterbrain says:

    Not bad and a first for a non-evil reason for aliens visiting Earth.

    Like ‘Childhood’s End’ for the ‘Women’s fiction column’.