EP039: My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie

By Eugie Foster.
Read by the Word Whore (of Air Out My Shorts).

I don’t know how it happened. I’m the last person I’d go to if I were a
zombie; I’m not into the occult thing at all. But I was the only friend
Mandy had in this city, so she came to me with her sob story. Lucky me. So
there she was, kicked back in my bed, having herself a good, long cry and I
was stuck with her, wondering how long until she began stinking. That was
really unfair of me, I know, but there was a goddamn walking, talking corpse
snuggled up in my good sheets and I was a little concerned about it.

Rated X. Contains profanity, sexual situations, and the undead, in various combinations.

Referenced sites:
The Sci Phi Show
Tangent Short Fiction Review
The Town Drunk
Radio A.D.D.

Comments (24)

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  1. Aaron Wormus says:

    Here’s my take on “Webfungus”


    Simply, it’s Google’s fault. They choose the links to display, you click on them.

    Sure, webfungus sites suck… but so do plenty of other sites. They are not forcing you to look at the site, Google is.

  2. sal says:

    So what was that NPR thingy Steve mentioned. I live in the UK… I dont get NPR.

  3. Lar says:

    Interesting story. I’m still digesting it. I loved the statement saying that not all Escape Pod stories contain homosexual undead. In fact, this was only the second. I nearly fell off the treadmill laughing.

    Thanks for all you do.

  4. PaulJ says:

    Great story, and a fantastic reading by tWW, whose ‘straight’ delivery really worked.

    Now, when are we going to hear Buttons?

  5. This was a frickin’ hysterical story. I love tWW & Buttons, so hearing her read was a joy to be… hear…ld…

    My favourite part of this story was the point when Dana tells Mandy they need to find a goup that deals with alternative religions…

    Mandy asks, “You mean Unitarians?”

    I almost fell off my bed I was laughing so hard. While you may find that most other religions may send you hate mail because of some reference, as a Unitarian, I can say I wouldn’t expect that you’ll be getting any from us…

    until after the meeting…
    and dinner…
    and another meeting…
    and a congregational discussion…
    and another meeting…
    and maybe a potluck dinner…

    Awesome work, everybody.

  6. Chris M says:

    Hey Steve another great story. More Lesbian Zombies please.

    I have to take issue with using “webfungus” to describe link farms, as it gives fungus a bad name. Technically a bad fungus would be a parasite and a good fungus would be a saprophyte. A Portobello is a tasty saprophyte fungus. I would like to suggest using the term “webscum” as an alternate to “webfungus”.

    p.s. this not to be taken all that seriously.


  7. sal says:

    Ah… that NPR link is by Xeni Jardin who is one of the Boing Boing editors and a pal of Cory Doctorow. It all fits together. 🙂

  8. -k says:

    Word Whore is an amazing reader. She does a great job creating distinct characters with subtle vocal changes.

    Too bad she’s burdened by a story that sounds like it came from a sophomore writing seminar. Fun idea, poor execution.

  9. Guy says:

    This story vaulted right into my Top 5 EP favorites!

    On the other hand … I checked out the ADD podcast. ???? Did you actually listen to it or did you recomend it just based on the promo ???
    I have to say that I checked it out based on how much I like EP and the fact that the ADD promo “kicked-ass”.
    The A.D.D. podcast though … to be kind I’ll just say that it half what I described the promo as… and not the good half.

  10. Loz says:

    On the issue of how many episodes of ‘Escape Pod’ I would like a week, I’d quite like to keep it at one a week, but perhaps do the reviews and suchlike as a midweek special?

  11. experimental error says:

    I hadn’t heard the term “link farm” before, but I like it. It’s immediately obvious what it means and brings to similar negative terms, like “puppy farm” and “degree farm”. “Web fungus” needs to be explained. Besides, I like fungi!

  12. Opus1971 says:

    Great story! Please get more from this author if possible:-) Oh and webfungus is a great term, I will be using it a lot 🙂

    Thanks for the great show!

  13. Just wanted to thank you once more for the honor of participating in your wonderful show. Please never hesitate to call upon me in the future…

    Keep up the great work!!!

  14. JDW says:

    experimental error mentioned the “puppy farm” and “diploma farm” — perhaps the other common phrase of “mill” (as in Puppymill, diploma-mill) might work to more powerfully suggest the ‘just churning em out’ idea of these things.
    Like others, fungus doesn’t really have a negative spin for me

    “scum” might work – but the problem there is that it is already used in a more general sense

    eh – how’s that for useless

    (please excuse rambling – on post surgery pain management — WEEEE!!)

  15. Kate says:

    Great story. I listened to it stuck on a train, and it made the wait fun. I can’t imagine what my cabin-mates (box-mates?) thought of my laughter. I loved the ways the narrator was not too sure which was more distasteful, the lesbian thingy or the undead thingy.

    And I’d go for web mold. I like fungii (portobello!), but mold is yucky and once it gets a foothold it expands across your walls and into your tile grout and caulking never to be removed again except with incredibly toxic bathroom cleaning chemicals.

    I just discovered Escape Pod and as soon as I graduate and get a real job, I’m sending along regular payments. This is so worth it.

    Thanks, Steve, for all you do.

  16. […] For example the episode entitled “My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie” is a prurient exploration of the occult, and homosexuality. These are both practices offensive to God. […]

  17. […] For example the episode entitled “My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie” is a prurient exploration of the occult, and homosexuality. These are both practices offensive to God. […]

  18. […] Eamon from England reminds us that Escape Pod has a story entitled My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie. […]

  19. […] I have listened to several works from Escape Pod and have enjoyed them all. Some I have enjoyed very much. For example, although I was already familiar with Rob Sawyers’ Shoulders of Giants, I found it quite enjoyable to listen to. Also, if you like zombie stories, Eugie Foster’s My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie is as disturbing as it sounds. Paul DiFilippo’s Little Worker was enjoyable and twisted (that’s twisted in a really good way). […]

  20. […] One of my favorite Escape Pod stories is My Friend Is A Lesbian Zombie. The second best story ever. http://escapepod.org/2006/02/02/ep039-my-friend-is-a-lesbian-zombie/. This is read to us by a woman who calls herself the Word Whore. The Word Whore does a podcast […]

  21. […] Männer: My Girlfriend is a Lesbian Zombie […]

  22. […] Friend is a Lesbian Zombie” (reprint) in Escape Pod, Feb. 2006. FREE FICTION! *Nominated for a 2006 Parsec Award in the Best Speculative Fiction Story […]