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EP020: The Burning Bush

By Jennifer Pelland.
Read by Deborah Green.

I did the sensible thing. I screamed and ran to the bathroom, where I started tossing cups of water on my crotch in the hopes of extinguishing the flames. My boyfriend ran in behind me, started the shower up, and tossed me into the freezing water. But the fire continued to rage, despite the dousing.

At that point, I realized that I wasn’t actually in any pain. I stepped out of the stream of water, teeth still chattering, and held my hand in the blue flames. “This should hurt,” I said.

Rated X. For blasphemy and anatomy. Really.

Referenced sites:
I Should Be Writing
Dag Viggo Lok√∏en

Comments (10)

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  1. Mike Wills says:

    OMG… that was so funny and so wrong. i didn’t know if I should laugh or yell at you. Thankfully, I am not Catholic.

  2. SFEley says:

    “i didn’t know if I should laugh or yell at you.”

    Glad to hear it! Our work here is done. >8->

  3. Thanks! As you might be able to guess, I was raised Catholic. Guess I’m still working out some issues…

  4. John says:

    YES! Truth in advertising! Fitting to have a Wiccan protaganist for an equinox release. Another welcome departure from the parenting collection. Well done, Steve, Jennifer, and Deb. Thanks.

  5. Jace says:

    I’m not Catholic either, but I really thought this was a really poor, smut driven piece of work. The only thing that kept me listening to the end was the vain hope that the author would somehow redeem herself. I thought it was funny that she is so obviously speaking out againts an overly “preachy” Catholic church by being over “preachy” herself. I guess she thinks she can fight fire with fire. Pun totally intended. By the way…love the show!!! I just don’t feel that this piece measures up to what I’ve come to expect from Escape Pod.

  6. Misha says:

    I’ve read this story in print, heard the author herself read it at a con, and now heard it on Escape Pod and it never fails to make me laugh out loud. I would literally roll on the floor laughing if I didn’t think it would scare the cat.

  7. I listened to this story during my morning commute. Given the week I’ve been having, I needed a bit of a pick me up, and this worked nicely. Part of the charm is the fact that Jennifer is just so cheerfully and wickedly blasphemous, taking great glee in her pokes at the chuch. I’m not now, nor have I ever been catholic, but having been raised in a protestant church, the story hit enough of my own religious buttons to be simply delightful.

    I’ve read quiet a bit of Jennifer’s work, and I’ve always thought that she is at her best when she’s doing humor, and here she’s doing humor in high style.

    As to the review who says this story is smut driven, I’m still having trouble finding the smut she’s referring to. Which is annoying, because I can always use some good smut.

  8. Nora says:

    I listen to Escape Pod on a bike commute, and nearly died because of this story. Belly-laughing at 20 mph on a downslope is never a smart thing to do. ::shakes stern finger at Steve Eley:: Never mind the sex, man, warn people about the FUNNY!!

    Seriously, I love this story. It’s not my favorite of hers — “Snow Day” from EP#5 remains my all-time best-beloved comedic science fiction tale (now THERE was some kickass smut; go listen if you haven’t) — but this was pretty damn funny. I’m not Catholic, but I could relate. Hell, anyone who can’t relate to stuffy old men getting thwapped with a rolled-up newspaper is clinically dead. =)

  9. Simon says:

    Curious echo effect on the story.
    Not like your usual crystal clear sound. I didn’t like the echo. Personally I think the stories title gave away to much of the plot. Which might say a bit too much about the way my mind works.
    Still nice to have a positive and
    upbeat story. Some have been rather negative lately.

  10. Brian says:

    Great story! I now have to send a link to my (adult) sisters – they will love it too!

    Thanks!
    brian
    http://candyaddict.com
    http://myvogonpoetry.com